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Mutants & Monsters

Gremlins Are Real, and They Work in Tech Support

Explosive new evidence reveals that mischievous gremlins have infiltrated major tech companies and are systematically sabotaging devices while masquerading as human customer service representatives. Whistleblowers claim these creatures have cost the global economy nearly $847 billion through deliberate technical failures and fraudulent repair schemes.

Bizarre World News

Vet Confirms: Every Cat Is Secretly Judging You

Revolutionary veterinary research reveals that 97% of cats maintain detailed mental performance reviews of their owners while secretly networking with other felines to compare notes on human inadequacies. The shocking study suggests our beloved pets have been running a massive psychological operation designed to optimize human servitude through calculated manipulation.

Government Secrets

My Cat is a Russian Spy

A Milwaukee man discovers his pet cat has been secretly transmitting his personal information to Russian intelligence agents through coded meowing patterns and hidden surveillance equipment. The FBI has launched “Operation Tabby” to investigate what could be a nationwide network of feline spies infiltrating American homes.

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