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Government Secrets

Australia introduces Kangaroo-Uber

Australia’s secret kangaroo rideshare service uses mind-controlled marsupials equipped with passenger pouches and neural implants, serving as the perfect cover for a massive government surveillance operation.

Bizarre World News

BRITISH MAN BUILDS TIME MACHINE FROM GARDEN SHED PARTS

An unemployed British engineer claims he built a working time machine in his garden shed and traveled to 1847 to warn Queen Victoria about the cultural dangers of reality TV shows. Government agents have reportedly confiscated components from his bizarre contraption made of lawn mower parts and copper piping.

The Paranormal

SCOTTISH TERRIER INHERITS CASTLE FROM VAMPIRE COUNT

A Scottish Terrier named Hamish has mysteriously inherited a £50 million castle from a vampire Count after performing a midnight howling ritual. The supernatural inheritance has made the dog the wealthiest pet in Europe while leaving villagers terrified of the dark forces now lurking in their Highland community.

Mutants & Monsters

WOOLLY MAMMOTH DNA REVEALS SECRET RECIPE FOR IMMORTALITY

Scientists working in a secret Alaskan laboratory have extracted million-year-old bacteria from woolly mammoth DNA that reportedly grants eternal life and perfect teeth to anyone who consumes it. Government sources confirm three world leaders may have already received doses of the mysterious immortality serum.

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