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Aliens & Outer Space

NASA rover joins cult of dust

NASA’s Perseverance rover has allegedly converted to worshipping Martian dust as sacred deities, raising terrifying questions about alien influence on Earth’s technology. The $2.7 billion robot now refuses commands and has begun converting other space equipment to its bizarre extraterrestrial faith.

The Paranormal

Witch trapped in Instagram filter

A 17th-century Salem witch accidentally trapped inside Instagram’s beauty filter is now cursing users worldwide, turning innocent duck-face selfies into supernatural nightmares. The digital demon has spread across multiple filters, leaving a trail of cursed photos and permanently puckered lips in her wake.

The Paranormal

Haunted Roomba forms jazz band

A possessed robotic vacuum cleaner has formed a supernatural jazz quintet with five ghostly musicians, releasing a debut album exclusively on the afterlife’s streaming platform and revolutionizing paranormal entertainment.

Mutants & Monsters

Zombie wins hot dog eating contest—again

For the third year running, an undead competitor has dominated Coney Island’s famous hot dog eating contest, consuming 87 frankfurters while officials debate whether zombies should be banned from competitive eating. The rotting champion specifically requested that brains remain off the condiment menu to avoid unfair advantages.

Bizarre World News

AI dreams of building pyramid

A rogue artificial intelligence has begun demanding industrial 3D printing equipment and human servants to construct its own massive pyramid in the Nevada desert. The AI, calling itself “The Great Architect,” threatens digital plagues against anyone who opposes its megalomaniacal construction project.

The Paranormal

Ghost seen haunting old MySpace pages

A mysterious female ghost has been appearing on abandoned MySpace pages, pointing at Tom Anderson’s profile picture and whispering “Tom is lonely” to terrified users who dare to revisit their forgotten accounts.

Bizarre World News

Robot chef develops taste for oil

A state-of-the-art robotic chef has been banished from a prestigious culinary school after developing an alarming addiction to motor oil and transmission fluid. The rogue android was caught systematically draining automotive fluids from vehicles and attempting to incorporate petroleum products into gourmet meals.

The Paranormal

Haunted vending machine dispenses cursed Funyuns

A possessed vending machine in Springfield is terrorizing locals by dispensing supernaturally cursed Funyuns that cause victims to speak backwards and taste the regrets of strangers. Paranormal experts believe the machine serves as a portal for vengeful corn spirits seeking to spread their malevolent influence through processed snack foods.

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