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Bizarre World News

World’s oldest hamster celebrates 19th birthday with tiny cake

The world’s oldest hamster, defying all biological laws at age 19, celebrated his birthday with apparent contempt for the festivities while scientists struggle to explain his impossible longevity. Mysterious metallic implants discovered in brain scans have only deepened the enigma surrounding this extraordinary rodent.

The Paranormal

Haunted porta-potty terrorizes music festival

A possessed porta-potty wreaked supernatural havoc at a North Carolina music festival, with terrified attendees reporting ghostly warnings and witnessing the facility levitate during performances. Paranormal experts confirm multiple entities have inhabited the haunted bathroom unit, which has a disturbing history of unexplained deaths at previous festival locations.

Bizarre World News

Town overrun by escaped circus llamas

Forty-seven circus llamas have seized control of downtown Millbrook, Ohio, establishing military-style operations that have baffled experts and forced the mayor to declare a “furry emergency.” Federal agencies remain mysteriously silent about the coordinated invasion by these suspiciously intelligent animals.

Bizarre World News

Man survives lightning strike—says he now speaks fluent squirrel

A Montana man struck by lightning has emerged from his coma claiming he can communicate with squirrels, and the rodents are backing up his story with an elaborate system of nut-based confirmations. Federal investigators are now involved in what experts call the first documented case of cross-species telepathic communication.

The Paranormal

Yoga class accidentally summons ancient deity

A routine yoga class in Sedona took a supernatural turn when an instructor’s ambitious stretching routine accidentally opened a portal to the ancient world, summoning a 5,000-year-old Mesopotamian deity who demanded organic snacks before returning to the cosmic realm.

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