Zack Nebulous became Editor-in-Chief of Worldseer.com at the tender age of 18, though his birth certificate was classified by the Pentagon and his umbilical cord was allegedly encrypted with CIA microfilm. He claims to have been born during a meteor shower, raised by sentient cats in the Bermuda Triangle, and educated in a forgotten Mayan satellite school orbiting just behind the moon.

Zack’s journalistic career began when he leaked a psychic transcript of the Moon’s feelings to a supermarket tabloid. He was immediately abducted (twice) by rival news outlets and once mistaken for a rogue weather balloon. He insists that his editorial decisions are telepathically dictated by a sentient typewriter named Keith.

Despite his age, Zack has personally debunked 12 false apocalypses, been banned from three parallel timelines, and once arm-wrestled Bigfoot for the rights to publish his memoirs (he won, but only barely). He types at over 300 words per minute, but only in Wingdings. His favorite snack is “whatever Mothman leaves on his porch.”

Zack is currently under investigation by the Galactic Council for “chronological meddling”, and insists that Worldseer.com is the last hope against a “holographic Illuminati karaoke cabal.”

He lives in an undisclosed location made entirely of VHS tapes and moon rocks.

Gordy “Buzz” Lightborn, 35, has dedicated his entire adult life—and several past lives—to the study, celebration, and deep emotional admiration of mummies. As The Perplexicon Tribune’s Ancient Mysteries & Undead Correspondent, Gordy claims to have been “spiritually married” to at least two Egyptian priestesses and once “caught feelings for a sarcophagus” during an archaeological tour that was later banned by UNESCO.

Born during a sandstorm inside a cursed museum in Wisconsin, Gordy was raised by a rogue archaeologist and a wax statue of King Tut. He speaks fluent hieroglyphics, sleeps wrapped in linen for “historical accuracy,” and believes toilets are portals to the afterlife (he will not elaborate).

His 2017 exposé, “The Mummies Are Waking Up, and They’re Pissed,” won him the Golden Ankh Award for Paranormal Journalism, despite being written entirely on papyrus using beet juice and regret. Gordy has been kicked out of eight pyramids, bitten by two mummified cats, and once reanimated a pharaoh using only a car battery and jazz music.

Though often seen wearing a pith helmet, aviator goggles, and “emergency tomb sandals,” Gordy insists he’s not eccentric—he’s simply “chronically tomb-curious.”

He currently resides in a converted RV full of ancient lint, where he co-hosts a podcast called “Date a Dead Thing.”

Morgana Zyx claims to be 184 years old, though no official records exist because, as she puts it, “the government erased my birth certificate with dream-energy and fluoride.” Dressed exclusively in velvet cloaks and antique opera gloves, she joined The Perplexicon Tribune after psychically intercepting a classified ad meant only for telepaths.

She specializes in tracking government mind control programs, and has personally accused six U.S. Presidents, three sandwich chains, and a popular brand of shampoo of brainwave manipulation. Morgana sleeps in a lead-lined canopy bed, only eats non-telepathic vegetables, and once built a tinfoil cathedral that spontaneously caught fire when she sneezed near it.

Her most famous exposé, “Your Microwave Hates You: How Appliances Are Spying on Your Aura,” was banned in 17 countries and once cited in a court case involving a sentient blender.

She claims to have outlived four husbands, twelve cats, and the Roman Empire, though timelines are “fluid” according to her. Morgana’s skull cane is named “Clarence,” and she consults it regularly for editorial decisions. She does not use computers, instead dictating her articles into crystals suspended over boiling herbal tinctures.

Her current mission? To uncover the hidden frequency embedded in hold music that causes sleepiness, compliance, and an irresistible urge to order socks online.

She is banned from every RadioShack that still exists in any dimension.