HAUNTED TESLA REFUSES TO DRIVE ANYWHERE BUT TACO BELL
Owner has gained 30 pounds and is starting to like it
PHOENIX, AZ – A local software engineer’s cutting-edge Tesla Model S has become the latest victim of supernatural possession, forcing its terrified owner into an endless cycle of late-night Taco Bell runs that has fundamentally altered his life – and his waistline.
Marcus Hendricks, 34, purchased his gleaming white Tesla just three months ago, eager to embrace the future of electric transportation. What he didn’t bargain for was sharing his vehicle with what paranormal experts believe to be the restless spirit of a fast-food addict who died with unfinished business at the Mexican-inspired chain restaurant.
The haunting began subtly. Hendricks first noticed his Tesla’s navigation system would mysteriously reroute him past Taco Bell locations during routine commutes. Then came the unexplained acceleration toward drive-thru lanes, followed by the vehicle’s complete refusal to start unless pointed in the direction of the nearest Taco Bell.
“At first I thought it was just a software glitch,” Hendricks explained, nervously adjusting his increasingly snug polo shirt. “But when the car started honking the tune to the Taco Bell commercial at 2 AM and wouldn’t stop until I drove there, I knew something supernatural was happening.”
The situation escalated dramatically last week when Hendricks attempted to visit his elderly mother in Scottsdale. His Tesla, displaying unusual resistance, crawled along at 15 mph until he passed a Taco Bell, at which point it surged forward and pulled into the parking lot with such force that Hendricks spilled his coffee.
“The car literally held me hostage,” Hendricks recounted. “The doors wouldn’t unlock, the air conditioning shut off, and somehow the radio got stuck playing mariachi music at maximum volume. I had no choice but to go inside and order something.”
Dr. Evelyn Mortis, a leading researcher in automotive paranormal phenomena at the Institute for Supernatural Transportation Studies, believes Hendricks’ Tesla has been possessed by what she terms a “gastronomic ghost.”
“We’re seeing an alarming increase in food-related hauntings, particularly involving modern vehicles with advanced computer systems,” Dr. Mortis explained via encrypted phone call from her laboratory. “The spirit appears to be using the Tesla’s sophisticated AI network as a conduit to fulfill its earthly cravings for processed Mexican-style cuisine.”
The ghostly influence has extended beyond mere transportation preferences. Hendricks reports that his Tesla’s touchscreen now displays Taco Bell menu items instead of standard navigation options, and the vehicle’s horn has been mysteriously reprogrammed to sound like a dinner bell.
Perhaps most disturbing is the phantom’s apparent ability to manipulate Hendricks’ own desires. The once health-conscious engineer now finds himself genuinely craving Crunchwrap Supremes and Baja Blast at all hours of the day and night.
“I used to be a keto guy, strictly organic everything,” Hendricks admitted, unconsciously patting his expanding midsection. “Now I’m putting away three Cheesy Gordita Crunches before noon and loving every bite. It’s like the ghost is rewiring my taste buds.”
Local Taco Bell employees have begun recognizing the possessed vehicle, with several reporting strange electromagnetic disturbances whenever Hendricks’ Tesla enters the parking lot. Cash registers malfunction, ice machines activate spontaneously, and the drive-thru speaker occasionally broadcasts disembodied whispers demanding “más salsa.”
Attempts at exorcism have proven futile. Three different priests blessed the vehicle, but the holy water apparently only made the ghost hungrier. A shaman’s sage cleansing ritual was interrupted when the Tesla’s autopilot engaged and drove straight through the smoke to the nearest Taco Bell.
Hendricks has reluctantly accepted his fate, though he admits the constant fast-food consumption is taking its toll on both his wallet and his wardrobe. He’s had to replace his entire wardrobe twice and is considering taking out a loan to cover his escalating Taco Bell expenses.
“At least the ghost has good taste,” Hendricks concluded with a philosophical shrug. “Could be worse – imagine if it was obsessed with gas station sushi.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
