Gremlins Are Real, and They Work in Tech Support
They are the true cause of all your computer problems.
SILICON VALLEY, CA – A shocking investigation has uncovered the truth behind decades of mysterious computer malfunctions, frozen screens, and inexplicable tech failures that have plagued millions of users worldwide: gremlins are real, and they’ve infiltrated the global technology industry.
Sources within major tech companies have come forward with startling evidence that these mischievous creatures, long dismissed as World War II folklore, have evolved with the digital age and now orchestrate systematic sabotage of electronic devices from within corporate tech support departments.
“I couldn’t stay silent any longer,” reveals Marcus Chen, a former senior technician at a major computer manufacturer who spoke on condition of anonymity. “What we’ve been calling ‘user error’ or ‘random glitches’ for years is actually the work of highly organized gremlin colonies that have been breeding in server rooms and call centers across the country. They’ve learned to mimic human voices and have been answering your tech support calls this entire time.”
The whistleblower claims that gremlins, originally attracted to aircraft during the 1940s, migrated to early computer systems in the 1970s and have been multiplying exponentially ever since. These creatures, measuring approximately six inches tall with pointed ears and razor-sharp claws perfect for severing delicate circuit connections, have allegedly established sophisticated hierarchies within tech companies.
Internal documents obtained through anonymous sources detail a vast conspiracy spanning multiple Fortune 500 companies. The papers describe “Operational Chaos Protocols” where gremlins deliberately provide incorrect troubleshooting advice, intentionally install corrupted software updates, and coordinate mass system failures during critical business periods.
Dr. Evelyn Rothschild, a cryptozoologist and former MIT computer science professor, has been studying this phenomenon for over two decades. “The evidence is overwhelming,” she states. “Gremlins have not only adapted to modern technology, they’ve mastered it. They understand that causing just enough problems to frustrate users without completely destroying devices ensures their continued employment and access to the very systems they’re designed to disrupt.”
The investigation reveals that gremlins have infiltrated every major tech hub from Seattle to Austin. Security footage from multiple data centers shows inexplicable shadows moving between server racks during overnight hours, coinciding precisely with the timing of widespread network outages that cost businesses billions annually.
Perhaps most disturbing are reports of gremlin recruitment programs disguised as legitimate hiring practices. Human resources departments at several companies have unknowingly hired what they believed were exceptionally small humans, only to later discover these employees were feeding classified system information directly to gremlin leadership councils operating from hidden colonies beneath corporate headquarters.
The conspiracy extends to social media platforms, where gremlins allegedly manipulate algorithms to suppress posts about their existence while amplifying conspiracy theories about other topics to discredit anyone who might expose the truth. They’ve reportedly mastered voice synthesis technology, allowing them to perfectly impersonate human tech support representatives while providing deliberately ineffective solutions.
One particularly damning piece of evidence involves recorded phone conversations where background chatter in supposedly human call centers includes what linguistic experts have identified as an ancient gremlin dialect previously thought extinct. Audio analysis reveals coordination signals being transmitted during routine customer service calls.
The financial implications are staggering. Economic analysts estimate that gremlin-induced technical problems cost the global economy over $847 billion annually through lost productivity, unnecessary hardware replacements, and fraudulent repair services. Meanwhile, the creatures continue expanding their operations, with new colonies reportedly established in cryptocurrency mining facilities and artificial intelligence development centers.
Government agencies have remained suspiciously silent despite mounting evidence, leading researchers to suspect that gremlins may have infiltrated federal technology oversight departments. Several cybersecurity firms have mysteriously closed their investigations into unexplained system vulnerabilities after initially reporting discoveries of “non-human digital fingerprints” in compromised networks.
As this explosive story continues developing, one thing remains clear: the next time your computer crashes or your phone mysteriously deletes important files, you may be experiencing something far more sinister than simple technical difficulties.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
