Man’s Reflection Starts Offering Him Unsolicited Advice
"You really shouldn't wear that shirt with those pants," mirror-self warns.
MILWAUKEE, WI – A local man’s morning routine has turned into a nightmare of fashion criticism and life coaching after his bathroom mirror reflection began offering unsolicited advice three weeks ago, sources close to the bizarre case report.
Harold Wimple, 42, a mild-mannered insurance adjuster, first noticed something was amiss when his reflection shook its head disapprovingly while he was getting dressed for work on a Tuesday morning in early November.
“I was putting on my favorite brown corduroys with my lime green polo shirt when I saw him – I mean, me – frowning back at me,” Wimple explained during an exclusive interview at his ranch-style home on Elm Street. “Then clear as day, I heard my own voice say, ‘You really shouldn’t wear that shirt with those pants, Harold. The color clash is giving me a migraine.'”
Initially dismissing the incident as stress-related hallucinations, Wimple’s skepticism evaporated when the unsolicited commentary became a daily occurrence. His reflection, who has dubbed himself “Mirror Harold,” now weighs in on everything from breakfast choices to career decisions.
“Mirror Harold told me that eating Lucky Charms for breakfast at my age was ‘deeply concerning’ and suggested I switch to steel-cut oats,” Wimple reported. “Yesterday, he spent twenty minutes explaining why I should ask for a promotion instead of ‘wallowing in middle management mediocrity.'”
The phenomenon has attracted the attention of Dr. Melinda Crystalworth, a paranormal psychology researcher at the Institute for Supernatural Studies. “What we’re witnessing here is an unprecedented case of reflective consciousness manifestation,” Dr. Crystalworth explained via telephone. “The mirror appears to be acting as a conduit for Harold’s repressed self-improvement instincts, which have somehow achieved independent sentience.”
According to Wimple’s wife, Margaret, the situation has become increasingly disruptive to their household routine. “Harold spends forty-five minutes arguing with himself every morning,” she testified. “Mirror Harold keeps insisting that Harold needs a haircut, better posture, and ‘for the love of all that’s holy, some decent cologne.'”
The advice isn’t limited to personal grooming. Mirror Harold has reportedly offered investment tips, relationship counseling, and even sports predictions. Most unnervingly, Mirror Harold claims to have knowledge that regular Harold doesn’t possess.
“He told me the Johnson account was going to fall through two days before it happened,” Wimple revealed, his voice dropping to a whisper. “He also warned me that my neighbor Steve was planning to trim the hedge that borders our properties – and sure enough, there was Steve the next morning with his hedge clippers.”
Local authorities remain baffled by the case. Detective Ray Kowalski of the Milwaukee Police Department’s Unusual Incidents Division confirmed they’ve received multiple noise complaints from neighbors who report hearing “heated arguments coming from the Wimple bathroom between 6:30 and 7:15 AM daily.”
The situation reached a breaking point last Thursday when Mirror Harold criticized Wimple’s technique for brushing his teeth. “He said I was using circular motions when I should be using gentle vertical strokes,” Wimple recounted. “When I tried to walk away, he started tapping on the glass to get my attention back.”
Dr. Crystalworth theorizes that the mirror may have been contaminated by “psychic residue” from its previous owner. Research revealed the antique bathroom mirror was purchased at an estate sale belonging to the late Madame Zelda Fortunato, a self-proclaimed life coach and spiritual advisor.
“It’s entirely possible that Madame Zelda’s compulsive need to offer guidance has somehow imprinted itself onto the reflective surface,” Dr. Crystalworth speculated. “Combined with Harold’s subconscious desire for self-improvement, we’ve created the perfect storm for supernatural mentorship.”
As of press time, Wimple reports that Mirror Harold has begun demanding equal time to speak with visitors and has threatened to “fog up permanently” if his fashion recommendations continue to be ignored.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
