God Admits Earth Was a Group Project He Did All the Work On
Other deities "contributed nothing but got the same grade."
VATICAN CITY, ITALY – In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the theological community, sources close to the Almighty confirm that God has finally come forward about the true nature of Earth’s creation, admitting in a candid interview that the planet was essentially a cosmic group project where He ended up doing all the work while other deities slacked off and still received full credit.
The bombshell admission came during what insiders describe as a “divine venting session” following the recent conclusion of another millennium of planetary maintenance. According to leaked transcripts obtained exclusively by Weekly World News, the Creator expressed frustration that has apparently been building for eons.
“I mean, seriously, I designed the entire ecosystem, balanced the atmospheric composition, fine-tuned gravity, created billions of species, and even threw in some beautiful sunsets for aesthetic appeal,” God reportedly stated during the interview. “Meanwhile, Thor was supposed to handle weather patterns but just kept making thunderstorms because he thought they looked ‘cool,’ and don’t even get Me started on what Poseidon called ‘ocean management.'”
The revelation has stunned religious scholars worldwide, who had long assumed creation was a solo effort. Dr. Miriam Goldstein, Professor of Comparative Theology at Harvard Divinity School, called the news “absolutely unprecedented in theological discourse.”
“This completely revolutionizes our understanding of creation mythology,” Dr. Goldstein explained. “We’re talking about a fundamental shift in how we perceive divine collaboration. It appears the old pantheons were more interconnected than anyone realized, and frankly, it sounds like a typical college group project scenario played out on a cosmic scale.”
According to the leaked documents, the “Earth Project” was originally assigned to a committee of twelve major deities from various pantheons, each responsible for different aspects of planetary development. However, sources indicate that several team members were notably absent during crucial development phases.
“I watched the whole thing unfold,” claims Bartholomew Jenkins, a astral plane observer who says he witnessed the creation process firsthand. “God was pulling all-nighters while Zeus was off partying, Odin was obsessing over his ravens, and Shiva kept wanting to restart everything from scratch. It was a total mess. Poor Guy was basically carrying the entire team.”
The situation allegedly became so problematic that God had to personally intervene in multiple departments. When the Egyptian deity Thoth, who was supposed to manage human knowledge systems, apparently spent most of his time designing hieroglyphs instead of developing language structures, God stepped in to create the Tower of Babel situation as a quick fix.
“The biodiversity crisis alone nearly gave Me a migraine that lasted three geological eras,” the Almighty reportedly confided. “I assigned different gods to handle various species, and half of them just created variations of animals they thought were ‘neat.’ That’s why we ended up with seventeen different types of penguins but nearly lost the entire pollinator system.”
Perhaps most frustratingly, according to the transcripts, when presentation day arrived before the Cosmic Review Board, all participating deities received equal recognition for the project’s success. The Earth was unanimously praised for its innovative ecosystems, diverse life forms, and sustainable energy systems – achievements that God claims were almost entirely His own work.
The leaked interview reveals additional grievances, including complaints about Venus being “completely botched” by a deity who shall remain nameless, and Mars being “abandoned halfway through” when its assigned creator apparently lost interest.
“I’ve been carrying this resentment for millennia,” God allegedly stated. “Every time someone praises ‘divine creation,’ I think about how Bacchus contributed literally nothing except suggesting we ‘add more grapes’ and somehow still gets credited as a co-creator.”
The Vatican has yet to issue an official response to these claims, though sources suggest emergency theological councils are being convened to address the implications of divine workplace dynamics.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
