Kid Demands Tooth Back — “I Changed My Mind!”
Fairy offers store credit and a coupon for mouthwash instead.
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Eight-year-old Tommy Wickshire has sparked what dental experts are calling the most unprecedented supernatural custody battle of the 21st century after demanding the immediate return of his left lateral incisor from the Tooth Fairy – and the magical being’s shocking response has parents nationwide questioning everything they thought they knew about the centuries-old tradition.
The bizarre incident began last Tuesday night when Tommy, like millions of children before him, carefully placed his freshly lost tooth under his pillow before bedtime. But unlike other children, Tommy experienced what child psychologists are now terming “post-extraction regret syndrome” – a condition so rare that it has forced the Tooth Fairy to implement an entirely new returns policy that has the supernatural community in chaos.
“I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I made a terrible mistake,” Tommy explained from his bedroom, still clutching the crisp dollar bill left in exchange for his tooth. “That tooth was part of me for eight whole years! I started thinking about all the apples we bit together, all the corn on the cob we conquered. I couldn’t just let some fairy keep it in her weird tooth collection forever.”
According to Tommy’s mother, Jennifer Wickshire, her son’s 3 AM meltdown was unlike anything she had ever witnessed. “He was inconsolable,” she reported. “He kept screaming ‘I want my tooth back!’ over and over. At first, I thought he was having a nightmare, but then he started making these very specific demands about filing a formal complaint with Tooth Fairy headquarters.”
What happened next has left paranormal investigators baffled and parents terrified. Tommy claims that after he shouted his demands into his pillow for nearly an hour, a shimmering portal opened above his bed, and a six-inch tall woman in a glittering dental hygienist uniform appeared, hovering with what appeared to be tiny butterfly wings made of floss.
“She was not happy,” Tommy recalled, his eyes wide with the memory. “She had this really high voice and she kept tapping her little foot in the air. She said kids had been trying to get their teeth back for centuries, but I was the first one persistent enough to actually reach customer service.”
Dr. Millicent Grindstone, a leading expert in supernatural commerce at the Institute for Mythological Economics, confirms that Tommy’s case represents a paradigm shift in fairy-human relations. “The Tooth Fairy operates on a strict no-returns policy that dates back to medieval times,” Dr. Grindstone explained. “The entire supernatural economy is built on the permanent exchange of childhood artifacts for currency. If children start demanding their teeth back, it could collapse the Easter Bunny’s egg futures market and potentially destabilize Santa’s toy production algorithms.”
The Tooth Fairy’s counteroffer has raised even more questions about the true nature of her mysterious operation. According to Tommy, she refused to return the actual tooth, claiming it had already been “processed” and was currently “contributing to the structural integrity of the Molar Palace.” Instead, she offered store credit toward future tooth extractions and a coupon for magical mouthwash that allegedly makes teeth grow back shinier.
“She kept talking about ‘company policy’ and ‘interdimensional shipping costs,'” Tommy reported. “Then she pulled out this tiny clipboard and made me initial three different forms just to get the store credit. It was very bureaucratic for a magical creature.”
Child advocacy groups are now demanding transparency from the Tooth Fairy organization, with some calling for a full investigation into what really happens to collected teeth. The controversy has already inspired copycat demands from children in seven states, creating what experts fear could become a nationwide supernatural crisis that threatens the very foundation of childhood magic.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
