Florida Man Attempts to Pay for Gas with a Live Alligator
Gator was not legal tender.
GAINESVILLE, FL – In a bizarre incident that has left authorities scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists buzzing with excitement, a 47-year-old Florida man named Cletus “Gator” McGillicuddy attempted to purchase $37.50 worth of premium unleaded gasoline using a four-foot American alligator as payment at a Sunoco station on Highway 441 last Tuesday evening.
The shocking encounter began around 9:30 PM when McGillicuddy pulled up to pump number 3 in his rusted 1987 Chevrolet pickup truck with Louisiana license plates. After filling his tank, the bearded swamp dweller calmly walked into the convenience store carrying what appeared to be a medium-sized alligator under his arm like a briefcase.
“I’ve seen some strange stuff working nights at gas stations, but this takes the cake,” said witness and store clerk Destiny Rodriguez, 23. “The guy just plopped that gator right down on the counter next to the beef jerky and said, ‘This here’s payment for pump three.’ The thing was still moving and everything, snapping its jaws like it was angry about being used as currency.”
Security footage obtained exclusively by Weekly World News shows McGillicuddy engaging in an animated conversation with Rodriguez, gesturing wildly at the reptile while apparently explaining his unconventional payment method. Sources close to the investigation reveal that McGillicuddy claimed the alligator was worth “at least fifty dollars on the black market” and that he’d “seen smaller gators go for way more in the underground economy.”
The situation escalated when Rodriguez refused to accept the alligator as legal tender and threatened to call the police. McGillicuddy allegedly became agitated, insisting that “gator trading” was a legitimate form of commerce in certain parts of the Everglades and that the government was suppressing alternative currency systems to maintain control over the population.
“He kept going on about how paper money was just a government conspiracy and that real value came from nature,” Rodriguez continued. “He said something about the Illuminati controlling the Federal Reserve and how alligators were the original American currency before the founding fathers sold us out to European banking cartels.”
Wildlife experts are baffled by the incident, particularly regarding how McGillicuddy managed to keep the alligator docile during transport. Dr. Marlena Swampworth, a herpetologist at the University of Florida’s Institute for Reptilian Studies, believes there may be more to this story than meets the eye.
“The fact that this alligator remained calm in such an unnatural environment suggests either extensive conditioning or possibly pharmaceutical intervention,” Dr. Swampworth explained. “There have been rumors circulating in academic circles about secret government experiments involving reptilian behavior modification. While I can’t confirm these theories, this incident certainly raises questions about what’s really happening in Florida’s remote swamplands.”
The plot thickened when responding officers from the Alachua County Sheriff’s Department discovered that McGillicuddy’s identification was expired and his truck was registered to a deceased person in Baton Rouge. More mysteriously, the alligator bore a small tattoo on its tail featuring symbols that local conspiracy researchers claim are linked to ancient Seminole currency rituals.
McGillicuddy was arrested on charges of disturbing the peace, possession of wildlife without a permit, and attempted fraud. However, he was released just six hours later when all charges were mysteriously dropped. The alligator was reportedly turned over to Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, though officials refuse to comment on its current whereabouts.
Local residents have reported seeing unmarked black SUVs in the area since the incident, fueling speculation that federal agencies may be investigating connections between alternative currency movements and wildlife trafficking operations. Some theorists suggest McGillicuddy may have been conducting field research for a shadow organization working to destabilize traditional monetary systems.
The Sunoco station has since installed new signage explicitly stating that only cash, credit cards, and debit cards are accepted as payment.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
