Haunted House Complains About Tenants on Zillow
Ghost gives one-star review, citing "loud breathing" and "excessive living."
SALEM, OREGON – In an unprecedented supernatural twist that has real estate professionals scratching their heads, a 127-year-old Victorian mansion has taken to the internet to publicly blast its living tenants, posting scathing reviews on multiple rental platforms and sparking what paranormal investigators are calling “the first documented case of reverse haunting complaints.”
The ethereal grievances began appearing last month when the spirit of Cornelius Blackthorne, the mansion’s original owner who died in 1896, created a Zillow account under the username “EternalResident1896” and proceeded to leave a devastating one-star review of his own property – specifically targeting the current renters, the Morrison family.
“These tenants are absolutely insufferable,” wrote the ghostly landlord in his digital diatribe. “Their constant breathing is disruptive to the peaceful silence I’ve cultivated for over a century. And don’t get me started on their excessive living – cooking meals, taking showers, laughing at inappropriate hours. Some of us are trying to achieve eternal rest here!”
The Morrison family, who have lived in the Blackthorne Manor for eight months, were initially baffled by the mysterious appearance of their address on rental websites with reviews they never authorized. Jennifer Morrison, 34, discovered the supernatural social media campaign while researching comparable rental prices in the area.
“At first I thought it was some kind of prank,” Morrison explained, clutching a sage bundle she’d purchased from a local occult shop. “But then weird things started happening. Our WiFi password kept changing to things like ‘QUIETDOWN1896’ and ‘STOPBREATHING.’ The smart home system began playing funeral dirges at 3 AM, and somehow our Alexa account was renamed ‘Cornelius’s Domain.'”
The paranormal complaints didn’t stop at Zillow. Blackthorne’s digital presence has expanded to include Yelp, Google Reviews, and even Airbnb, where he’s posted detailed criticisms of the family’s lifestyle choices. His reviews cite specific grievances: “Tenant insists on using modern plumbing, creating unnatural gurgling sounds that disturb my eternal meditation,” and “Children’s laughter echoes through halls where only the screams of the damned should resonate.”
Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a parapsychologist at the Institute for Supernatural Real Estate Studies, believes this case represents an evolution in ghost-human interaction. “What we’re seeing here is a technologically savvy spirit who has adapted to modern communication methods,” she explained. “Rather than the traditional chain-rattling and mysterious cold spots, Cornelius has embraced social media as his medium of choice for expressing supernatural displeasure. It’s actually quite ingenious from a marketing perspective.”
The situation escalated when Blackthorne began posting photos on Instagram (@GhostlyLandlord1896) showing the family’s allegedly disruptive activities, including “Excessive use of electric lighting” and “Unauthorized installation of life-affirming houseplants.” His followers, primarily other disgruntled spirits and paranormal enthusiasts, have rallied to his cause with supportive comments like “Living people are the worst tenants! #GhostRights” and “Finally, someone speaking truth about the breathing problem!”
Property management companies across the Pacific Northwest report similar incidents, suggesting this may be the beginning of a larger supernatural movement. Three other historic properties have reported mysterious negative reviews citing “unauthorized life activities” and “persistent warmth generation.”
The Blackthorne Manor case has attracted national attention, with paranormal investigation teams camping outside the property and real estate lawyers debating the legal implications of posthumous property reviews. The local housing authority remains bewildered, as no existing regulations address complaints filed by deceased former owners.
Meanwhile, the Morrison family has attempted various appeasement strategies, including installing soundproof insulation, practicing meditation, and even hiring a medium to negotiate a peaceful coexistence agreement. However, Blackthorne’s most recent review suggests these efforts have been unsuccessful: “Tenants hired obvious charlatan claiming to ‘communicate’ with me. I’m right here on social media! One star for poor problem-solving skills.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
