GOOGLE EARTH SATELLITE IMAGES REVEAL BIGFOOT’S AMAZON PRIME ACCOUNT
Legendary creature caught ordering size 47 hiking boots and industrial-strength deodorant
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Shocking satellite imagery obtained through leaked Google Earth databases has exposed what researchers are calling the most significant cryptozoological discovery of the modern age: concrete evidence that Bigfoot not only exists, but has been living a surprisingly sophisticated digital lifestyle deep in the Pacific Northwest wilderness.
Dr. Miranda Blackwood, a former NSA satellite analyst turned independent researcher, stumbled upon the extraordinary revelation while examining high-resolution images of remote forest areas in Washington State. What she discovered has sent shockwaves through both the scientific community and Amazon’s corporate headquarters.
“I was scanning grid coordinates for unusual thermal signatures when I noticed a series of massive footprints leading to what appeared to be a makeshift delivery station,” Blackwood revealed in an exclusive interview. “But it wasn’t until I cross-referenced shipping manifests that I realized the packages were being delivered to GPS coordinates that don’t correspond to any registered human address.”
The evidence is staggering. Amazon delivery records, obtained through anonymous whistleblowers within the tech giant, show a customer account registered under the name “B.F. Sasquatch” has been active since 2019, with a shipping address listed simply as “Large Cedar Tree, Grid Reference 47°39’N 121°11’W, Olympic National Forest.”
The mysterious customer’s order history reads like a roadmap to survival in the wilderness – but with distinctly modern conveniences. Size 47 waterproof hiking boots (special order from a specialty manufacturer), industrial-strength deodorant by the case, extra-large flannel shirts, and curiously, a premium subscription to Amazon Music featuring an extensive collection of nature documentaries and meditation apps.
Local delivery driver Chuck Patterson has been unknowingly servicing the account for over three years, leaving packages at what he assumed was an eccentric hermit’s drop-point. “I just thought it was some off-the-grid survivalist type,” Patterson admitted. “The instructions were always clear: leave packages by the big cedar with the carved ‘X,’ honk three times, and drive away quickly. The tips were always generous though – cash left in a hollowed-out stump, no questions asked.”
But Patterson’s routine deliveries took a startling turn last month when his truck broke down near the delivery site. “That’s when I saw him,” Patterson whispered, still visibly shaken by the encounter. “Nine feet tall, covered in reddish-brown fur, carefully unpacking a shipment of organic beard oil and what looked like a solar-powered phone charger. He looked right at me, nodded politely, and disappeared into the treeline. I’ve never driven so fast in my life.”
Government sources, speaking on condition of anonymity, suggest this discovery represents only the tip of the iceberg. Intelligence agencies have reportedly been monitoring unusual internet activity originating from remote wilderness areas for years, including social media accounts, online dating profiles, and even cryptocurrency trading linked to coordinates deep within protected forest lands.
The implications are staggering. If Bigfoot has successfully integrated modern technology into his traditional woodland lifestyle, what does this mean for our understanding of cryptid intelligence and adaptation? More troubling still, how many other legendary creatures might be living parallel digital lives right under our noses?
Amazon has refused to comment on the specific account details, citing customer privacy policies, though unnamed sources within the company confirm they’ve established a discrete “Special Delivery Protocol” for certain remote locations that require “enhanced privacy measures and non-standard delivery procedures.”
Dr. Blackwood continues her investigation from an undisclosed location, claiming she’s received threatening messages warning her to cease her research. “They don’t want the public to know the truth,” she insists. “But the evidence is undeniable. Bigfoot isn’t just real – he’s online, and he’s been watching us as much as we’ve been searching for him.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
