BANANA TAPED TO WALL SELLS FOR $6.2 MILLION BECAUSE IT’S RADIOACTIVE
Cryptocurrency mogul discovers fruit glows in dark and grants wishes when eaten
MIAMI, FL – A cryptocurrency billionaire’s bizarre $6.2 million art purchase has sent shockwaves through both the art world and scientific community after experts confirmed that the infamous banana-and-duct-tape artwork emits mysterious radioactive energy and allegedly grants supernatural powers to those brave enough to consume it.
Tech mogul Brayden “Crypto King” Nakamura made headlines last week when he paid the staggering sum for artist Maurizio Cattelan’s controversial piece at Art Basel Miami. But what started as another eccentric billionaire’s art splurge quickly transformed into something far more sinister when Nakamura’s security team noticed the fruit glowing with an eerie green luminescence during a routine midnight inspection of his penthouse gallery.
“I was doing my usual rounds when I saw this weird light coming from the art room,” said former Navy SEAL turned private security chief Marcus “Tank” Rodriguez, who has worked for Nakamura for three years. “At first I thought someone was trying to steal the damn thing, but when I got closer, the banana itself was pulsing like some kind of alien beacon. I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff in my time, but nothing like this.”
The discovery prompted Nakamura to secretly hire a team of nuclear physicists from an undisclosed government facility to analyze the fruit using military-grade detection equipment. The results, according to leaked documents obtained by this reporter, show radiation levels 50 times higher than normal background readings, with an isotopic signature that doesn’t match any known earthly elements.
But the story takes an even more extraordinary turn. Sources close to Nakamura reveal that the crypto mogul, known for his risk-taking investments in everything from Dogecoin to experimental longevity treatments, decided to test the fruit’s alleged supernatural properties by consuming small pieces of it over the past week.
The results have been nothing short of miraculous.
“Three days after his first bite, Brayden’s cryptocurrency portfolio mysteriously surged by $2.8 billion overnight,” whispered a high-ranking employee who spoke on condition of anonymity due to fear of retaliation. “Then he started predicting market fluctuations with impossible accuracy. Yesterday, he told me he could see through walls, and honestly, I’m starting to believe him.”
Dr. Elena Vasquez, a former Los Alamos researcher who now works as a paranormal consultant for wealthy clients, examined photographs of the glowing banana and declared the phenomenon “unprecedented in modern science.”
“What we’re looking at here defies conventional physics,” Dr. Vasquez explained during a clandestine meeting at an undisclosed Miami location. “The radiation signature suggests this banana was exposed to some form of cosmic energy, possibly during transport or storage. Ancient texts from various cultures speak of ‘fruits of power’ that could grant extraordinary abilities to those worthy enough to consume them. This could be the first documented case in the modern era.”
The art world is in chaos as collectors and galleries worldwide frantically examine their own installations for signs of radioactivity. Several museums have quietly removed banana-themed artwork from public display, citing “routine maintenance,” while private collectors are reportedly hiring Geiger counter-equipped appraisers.
Meanwhile, government agencies are reportedly investigating the fruit’s origin. Shipping records obtained through leaked sources suggest the banana traveled through at least seven countries before reaching the gallery, including a mysterious 48-hour stopover at a classified military facility in Nevada.
Nakamura has refused all media requests and has reportedly moved to a secret underground bunker facility in the Everglades, where he continues consuming pieces of his radioactive acquisition while his abilities allegedly grow stronger by the day.
Art critics are calling it the most expensive snack in human history, but insiders warn this may only be the beginning of a much larger conspiracy involving radioactive produce and the world’s elite.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
