FLORIDA WOMAN PERFORMS DENTAL SURGERY WITH SUPER GLUE AND MAGIC
Unlicensed dentist claims powers come from ancient Mayan toothache curse
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – A shocking investigation has uncovered the bizarre practice of an unlicensed Florida dentist who has been performing oral surgery using nothing more than industrial super glue, crystals, and what she claims are ancient Mayan magical powers passed down through a mystical toothache curse.
Consuela Rodriguez, 47, has been operating out of a converted food truck in the parking lot of a defunct strip mall for the past eighteen months, charging desperate patients as little as $50 for procedures that would typically cost thousands at legitimate dental offices. But Rodriguez’s methods have left dental professionals and supernatural experts equally baffled.
According to multiple witnesses, Rodriguez begins each “procedure” by burning copal incense and chanting in what she claims is ancient Mayan dialect while waving jade stones over her patients’ mouths. She then applies generous amounts of Gorilla Glue to loose teeth, cracked molars, and even gaping cavities, claiming the adhesive becomes magically enhanced through her ritualistic preparation.
“I watched her pull a guy’s infected wisdom tooth with nothing but a pair of pliers and some weird green powder she sprinkled around,” said Maria Santos, who witnessed one of Rodriguez’s sessions while waiting for her own appointment. “The craziest part? The guy said it didn’t hurt at all, and his mouth was completely healed the next day. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life.”
Rodriguez claims her unusual abilities stem from a curse placed upon her bloodline seven generations ago by a Mayan shaman whose sacred dental remedies were stolen by Spanish conquistadors. According to her account, women in her family have suffered from chronic, inexplicable toothaches that can only be relieved by healing others through supernatural dental intervention.
“The curse chose me when I turned 40,” Rodriguez explained during a clandestine interview behind her mobile dental unit, surrounded by dozens of burning candles and mysterious stone artifacts. “The spirits of ancient Mayan tooth healers speak through my hands. The super glue is just a vessel – the real power comes from the otherworld.”
Her unconventional practice came to light when local emergency rooms began reporting an unusual phenomenon: patients arriving with perfectly sealed dental work that appeared to have been completed using hardware store adhesives, yet showed no signs of infection, pain, or structural damage that medical professionals would expect from such crude methods.
Dr. Patricia Hoffman, a licensed orthodontist and professor at the University of Miami Dental School, admits the cases are “medically inexplicable and deeply troubling from a regulatory standpoint.”
“I’ve examined three of her patients, and I cannot explain what I’m seeing,” Dr. Hoffman stated. “The super glue has somehow integrated with their natural tooth enamel in ways that should be impossible. The chemical bonding defies everything we understand about oral chemistry. Either this woman has stumbled onto a revolutionary dental technique, or there are forces at work here that science cannot yet comprehend.”
The Florida Department of Health has launched an investigation into Rodriguez’s activities, but enforcement efforts have been complicated by the fact that none of her patients have filed complaints. In fact, many have become devoted followers, camping outside her food truck for days awaiting treatment.
Paranormal researcher Dr. Marcus Webb believes Rodriguez’s case represents a rare instance of “inherited shamanic healing abilities manifesting through modern materials.”
“Indigenous healing traditions often adapt to incorporate contemporary elements,” Webb explained. “It’s possible this woman has genuine supernatural abilities that allow her to transform ordinary super glue into a mystical healing compound. The scientific community’s inability to explain her results only strengthens this theory.”
Rodriguez continues to operate despite mounting scrutiny from authorities, claiming that shutting down her practice would condemn her to eternal dental agony and leave dozens of patients without access to her unique form of supernatural oral care.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
