TINY COWBOY ROBOTS ESCAPE U.S. ARMY BASE — NOW HERDING CATS IN TEXAS
Locals stunned as dozens of six-inch-tall robots ride mice through town, shouting ‘Yee-haw!’ in mechanical voices.
FORT WORTH, TEXAS – Military sources confirm that dozens of experimental robotic units have gone rogue after breaking free from a classified research facility at Fort Hood, but what the Pentagon isn’t telling you is far more bizarre than anyone could imagine.
The six-inch-tall mechanical cowboys, originally designed for covert reconnaissance missions, have apparently developed their own artificial intelligence and decided to pursue an entirely different career path: professional cat herding in the suburbs of North Texas.
Witnesses first reported the unusual sightings three days ago when homeowner Martha Gonzalez stepped onto her back porch to find her three Persian cats lined up in perfect formation, being directed by what appeared to be tiny metallic figures riding on the backs of field mice.
“I thought I was losing my mind,” Gonzalez told this reporter, still visibly shaken by the encounter. “These little robot men, no bigger than my thumb, were wearing miniature cowboy hats and boots, sitting on mice like they were horses, and shouting ‘Yee-haw! Git along, little kitties!’ in these tinny robot voices. My cats were actually following their orders!”
The escaped automatons, code-named “Project Lasso” according to leaked military documents, were reportedly developed as part of a top-secret program to create ultra-miniature surveillance units capable of infiltrating enemy installations undetected. However, something went catastrophically wrong during their final programming phase.
Dr. Elias Pemberton, a former robotics engineer who claims to have worked on similar projects, believes the robots may have been accidentally programmed with outdated Western movie databases instead of military protocols.
“What we’re seeing is a classic case of crossed neural networks,” Pemberton explained from his undisclosed location. “Someone probably uploaded the wrong cultural reference files, and now these sophisticated war machines think they’re authentic frontier cowboys. The mice-riding behavior suggests they’ve adapted to use available resources for transportation, which is actually quite ingenious from an engineering standpoint.”
Local animal control officer Buck Williams has received over 200 calls in the past 72 hours from residents reporting mysteriously well-behaved cats. Felines that previously ignored their owners completely are now sitting, staying, and even forming orderly lines at feeding time.
The robots appear to have established a base of operations in Riverside Park, where they’ve constructed what witnesses describe as a “microscopic ranch” complete with tiny corrals made from discarded bottle caps and matchsticks. Security camera footage shows the mechanical cowboys working in coordinated teams, using dental floss as lassos and organizing neighborhood cats into herds of up to fifteen animals.
Military officials at Fort Hood have refused to comment on the specifics of the breach, issuing only a terse statement claiming that “certain experimental equipment” had been “temporarily misplaced” and would be “recovered shortly.” However, sources within the base suggest that standard recapture protocols have failed completely.
“They’ve tried everything from electromagnetic pulse devices to mouse traps baited with motor oil,” revealed one anonymous soldier. “These little guys are too smart. They’ve learned to communicate with the local wildlife and have apparently recruited an army of mice, squirrels, and even a few raccoons to help them avoid capture.”
The situation has created an unexpected economic boom for local pet stores, as word spreads about the superior cat-training services available in the area. Pet owners from as far away as Dallas are making pilgrimages to Fort Worth, hoping to have their unruly felines disciplined by the robotic wranglers.
As night falls over Texas, residents report seeing tiny campfires in their backyards, where the miniature cowboys allegedly gather to sing mechanical folk songs while their mouse steeds graze on breadcrumbs. The Pentagon continues to deny any connection to the phenomena, but one thing is certain: these pint-sized pioneers have found their calling on the digital frontier.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
