Why that disturbing image on cigarette packs became someone’s business opportunity
An Investigative Exposé
RICHMOND, VA – In a development that would make even the most cynical capitalist question their life choices, a shocking investigation has revealed that those nightmarish images on cigarette packs—you know, the ones that make you question every life decision while buying gas station snacks—have become the foundation of America’s most bizarrely profitable business empire.
Meet Marcus “Morbid” Morrison (yes, that’s apparently his real middle name, and no, we couldn’t make this up if we tried), a former FDA contractor who took one look at rotting lung photos and thought, “Finally, my moment has arrived!”
The Birth of a Grotesque Genius
Morrison’s origin story reads like a rejected Marvel villain backstory. After helping design cigarette warning labels in 2009, he had what witnesses describe as his “Frankenstein moment”—that magical instant when a mad scientist realizes they can profit from human suffering.
“I watched Marcus camp out at a 7-Eleven for three straight weeks,” recalls Brenda Kowalski, a former convenience store clerk who now requires therapy to discuss cigarette displays. “He had this little notepad and would literally giggle every time someone dry-heaved at the lung cancer photos. I should have called someone, but honestly, who do you even report that to?”
Morrison’s business model is elegantly simple: if disgusting medical photos can make people stop smoking, imagine what they could accomplish in OTHER areas of human behavior modification!
The Empire of Eww
What started as government-sanctioned gross-out tactics has evolved into what industry insiders call the “Trauma-Industrial Complex.” Morrison’s alleged business ventures now include:
NauseaFit™: A weight-loss app that flashes photos of diseased organs every time users log a donut. Beta testers report a 300% increase in eating disorders and a 400% increase in nightmares.
Scare-apy: Addiction recovery programs that use cigarette warning images as “motivational wallpaper.” One former participant described the experience as “like being trapped in a medical textbook written by Stephen King.”
Fear Farms: Specialized photography studios where medical professionals pose with diseased body parts for maximum psychological impact. The company motto? “If it doesn’t traumatize, it doesn’t monetize!”
International Expansion of Existential Dread
Morrison’s reach now extends globally, with his warning label derivatives appearing in campaigns across six continents. Sources report that:
- European anti-obesity programs now feature his “dinner plate of doom” imagery
- Asian substance abuse centers subscribe to his “daily dose of disgust” service
- Antarctic research stations use his photos to discourage scientists from eating the cafeteria food (this one might actually be justified)
The Subscription Service That Nobody Asked For
Morrison’s latest venture, “GrossOut Gold,” is a premium subscription service that delivers personalized health scare content directly to users’ devices. Using proprietary algorithms with names like “TerrorTech 3000” and “NightmareBots AI,” the service analyzes users’ psychological profiles to select the most emotionally devastating warning images.
Early subscribers report side effects including:
- Spontaneous vegetarianism
- Involuntary exercise routines
- An inexplicable urge to wrap themselves in bubble wrap
- Recurring dreams about becoming a warning label themselves
Corporate Customers Getting Creative
Morrison’s client list reportedly reads like a who’s who of companies you didn’t know existed:
Scare-surance Inc.: An insurance company that sends policy holders Morrison’s greatest hits whenever they file claims. Company executives claim this “trauma-based customer retention” strategy has reduced payouts by 89% (mostly because customers are too disturbed to continue filing paperwork).
Nightmare Nutrition: A supplement company that includes Morrison’s photos in their packaging to make customers associate competitor products with medical horror.
Terror Tourism: A travel agency that uses diseased lung photos to discourage customers from visiting destinations with high pollution levels. Surprisingly effective, though customer satisfaction ratings are… complicated.
The FDA’s Suspicious Silence
Despite mounting evidence of Morrison’s empire, the FDA has remained mysteriously quiet. Some conspiracy theorists suggest federal officials receive kickbacks in the form of Morrison’s premium “Bureaucrat’s Bundle”—a collection of images so disturbing they make budget meetings seem pleasant by comparison.
An anonymous FDA source, speaking through a voice modulator while wearing a medical mask (for psychological protection), confirmed: “Let’s just say Marcus has been very… generous with his educational materials. Our lunch meetings haven’t been the same since.”
The Psychology of Profit
Dr. Helena Vexworth, a behavioral psychology expert who studies what she calls “weaponized wellness,” explains the disturbing effectiveness of Morrison’s approach:
“These images were scientifically engineered to trigger maximum disgust and existential dread. Morrison essentially took government-funded psychological warfare and privatized it. It’s like if someone turned public service announcements into a for-profit anxiety disorder.”
Dr. Vexworth’s research suggests Morrison’s success stems from tapping into humanity’s deepest fear: that our bodies are essentially meat sacks waiting to betray us. “He’s monetized mortality awareness,” she notes. “It’s brilliant, terrifying, and probably illegal in several dimensions.”
The Future of Fear
Morrison’s empire shows no signs of slowing. Industry insiders report upcoming ventures including:
- Mortality Mortgages: Home loans that decrease based on how many warning label photos borrowers can view without flinching
- Dread Dating: A matchmaking service that bonds couples through shared trauma from medical imagery
- Existential Crisis Elementary: A proposed school curriculum that replaces traditional health education with Morrison’s “reality-based learning modules”
The Uncomfortable Truth
As this investigation reveals, Morrison has achieved something uniquely American: he’s transformed government-mandated public health warnings into a multi-million dollar empire built on human psychological vulnerability.
When reached for comment, Morrison’s representatives declined to provide a statement but did send a complimentary package of their “Conversation Starter Collection”—a series of medical photographs so disturbing they allegedly end awkward small talk permanently.
Perhaps the most chilling aspect of Morrison’s success is its fundamental logic: if you can make people afraid enough of their own mortality, you can sell them almost anything. In Morrison’s world, the cigarette warning labels weren’t the end goal—they were just the beginning of a much larger conversation about human nature, consumer psychology, and the fine line between public health and private profit.
As one former employee noted while requesting anonymity (and witness protection): “Marcus didn’t just see disgusting medical photos. He saw opportunity. And honestly? That might be the most disturbing thing of all.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
