A world of full employment – millions of tourists make a pilgrimage to see him sitting in the park
MILLERVILLE, OHIO – In what scientists are calling the most extraordinary sociological phenomenon of the 21st century, Harold “Hal” Pemberton, 47, sits alone on a weathered park bench in downtown Millerville, officially recognized by the Global Employment Commission as the planet’s sole remaining unemployed individual.
Tour buses arrive hourly, disgorging crowds of camera-wielding visitors who gawk at Pemberton as he feeds pigeons and reads yesterday’s newspaper. The phenomenon has transformed this sleepy Midwestern town into an unlikely pilgrimage destination, with hotels booked solid for months and vendors hawking “Last Jobless Man” t-shirts on every corner.
“It’s absolutely mind-boggling,” gasps Martha Kellerman, a dental hygienist from Phoenix who traveled 1,200 miles just to witness history. “My whole family saved up for this trip. We’ve never seen anything like it – a real live unemployed person! The kids can’t believe their eyes.”
The circumstances surrounding Pemberton’s unique status remain shrouded in mystery. Government documents obtained through leaked sources suggest that his unemployment began three years ago when he was mysteriously “overlooked” during the Great Job Redistribution of 2024 – a massive government initiative that allegedly guaranteed employment for every citizen on Earth.
Dr. Reginald Thornwick, Director of Anomalous Social Sciences at the Institute for Impossible Statistics, has been studying Pemberton’s case extensively. “What we’re witnessing defies all known economic models,” Thornwick explains, adjusting his thick-rimmed glasses nervously. “In a world where artificial intelligence has created infinite job opportunities and universal basic employment has been implemented globally, Mr. Pemberton represents a statistical impossibility. He shouldn’t exist, yet here he is.”
Secret documents suggest that Pemberton’s continued unemployment may be the result of a deliberate conspiracy by shadowy government agencies. Sources within the Department of Labor Equilibrium claim that maintaining one unemployed person serves as a “control group” for ongoing social experiments. Others whisper of more sinister motives – that Pemberton unknowingly possesses information that could topple the entire employment system.
The daily routine of the world’s most famous jobless man has become the subject of intense scrutiny. Surveillance footage shows Pemberton arriving at Millerville Park each morning at precisely 9:47 AM, carrying a brown paper bag containing two peanut butter sandwiches and a thermos of black coffee. He sits on the same bench, reads discarded newspapers, and occasionally engages in conversations with tourists brave enough to approach him.
“People ask me how it feels to be the last one,” Pemberton told a reporter during a rare interview, his eyes darting nervously toward unmarked vans parked nearby. “Truth is, I’ve applied for thousands of jobs. Every rejection letter I get is studied by teams of economists. They treat me like some kind of living fossil.”
International media outlets have dubbed him “The Unemployment Unicorn,” while social media influencers livestream his every move to audiences exceeding 50 million viewers. Betting pools have emerged predicting when – or if – Pemberton will finally find employment, with odds currently standing at 10,000-to-1 against.
Religious groups have begun interpreting Pemberton’s situation through prophetic lenses, claiming his joblessness fulfills ancient predictions about the end times. The Church of Perpetual Productivity has declared him either a messiah or a harbinger of economic apocalypse, depending on which faction you ask.
As twilight approaches and the last tour group departs, Pemberton remains on his bench, a living reminder of humanity’s forgotten past – when unemployment affected millions rather than just one mysteriously chosen individual whose very existence challenges everything we thought we knew about the modern world.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
