Politicians nationwide switch to traditional cotton, sales plummet in Washington D.C.
SILICON VALLEY, CA – A revolutionary new fabric technology that exposes lies through color-changing fibers has sent shockwaves through the political establishment, with sources confirming that underwear sales in Washington D.C. have dropped by a staggering 97% since the product’s announcement last month.
TruthWeave Industries, a secretive startup backed by unnamed venture capitalists, claims their proprietary “VeraFiber” technology can detect microscopic changes in body temperature and perspiration that occur during deception, causing the specially treated cotton blend to shift from white to bright red within seconds.
“We’re not just talking about a little pink tinge here,” revealed Dr. Miranda Socks, a former NASA textile engineer who claims to have insider knowledge of the project. “When someone tells a whopper, this stuff lights up like a Christmas tree. The government has been trying to suppress this technology for years because they know it would expose the entire system.”
The fabric reportedly works by responding to stress hormones released through the skin during moments of dishonesty. Independent testing conducted by conspiracy research group Truth Seekers International allegedly shows a 94% accuracy rate in detecting lies, making it more reliable than traditional polygraph tests.
But the real bombshell came when undercover investigators discovered that major political figures across party lines have been frantically switching their undergarment suppliers. Sources within Capitol Hill’s exclusive Potomac Intimate Apparel boutique report that orders for traditional cotton underwear have skyrocketed 400% in recent weeks, while requests for “anything with synthetic blends or new fabrics” have completely disappeared.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” whispered Patricia Drawbridge, a longtime sales associate who requested anonymity for fear of political retaliation. “Senators who used to demand the finest Italian silk are now begging for basic Fruit of the Loom. One congressman actually broke down crying when I mentioned our new moisture-wicking collection. They’re terrified of this truth fabric.”
The panic extends beyond Washington. Reports indicate that the fabric’s mere existence has triggered a nationwide crisis of conscience among politicians at every level. State legislators in Ohio reportedly held an emergency session to discuss “textile threats to democratic processes,” while the mayor of a small Kansas town allegedly resigned after his wife accidentally ordered TruthWeave boxer shorts online.
TruthWeave Industries’ mysterious CEO, known only as “J. Sinclair,” has remained largely out of public view since the announcement. However, leaked internal documents suggest the company is already developing next-generation versions that could detect specific types of lies, including campaign promises, marital infidelity, and tax evasion.
The underwear industry itself appears divided. While traditional cotton manufacturers are experiencing unprecedented demand, innovative fabric companies report receiving threatening phone calls and mysterious visits from unidentified government agents. Three textile research facilities have suffered “accidental” fires in the past two weeks alone.
Perhaps most disturbing are reports that foreign governments are attempting to weaponize the technology. Intelligence sources claim that several hostile nations are developing mandatory TruthWeave clothing policies for diplomatic meetings, potentially giving them unprecedented advantages in international negotiations.
The implications extend far beyond politics. Religious leaders, corporate executives, and even marriage counselors are reportedly stocking up on traditional undergarments, fearing that the truth-detecting fabric could eventually become mandatory or accidentally mixed into regular clothing supplies.
As investigations continue, one thing remains clear: the age of comfortable deception may be coming to an end, one pair of underwear at a time.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
