Sanitation technology achieves destructive perfection
MILWAUKEE, WI – What started as a revolutionary breakthrough in bathroom hygiene has turned into a nightmarish example of technology run amok, leaving one suburban family homeless and scientists baffled by the destructive power of so-called “perfect” sanitation.
Dr. Marcus Flushman, a 34-year-old sanitary engineer from Milwaukee’s east side, spent three years developing what he believed would be humanity’s greatest gift to personal hygiene: the UltraClean 3000, a self-cleaning toilet so advanced it could theoretically eliminate 99.9999% of all bacteria, viruses, and organic matter within a 6-foot radius.
The catastrophic field test occurred last Tuesday at 3:47 AM in Flushman’s own Brookfield home, where he had secretly installed the prototype without informing his wife or neighbors. According to sources close to the investigation, the toilet’s revolutionary “molecular disruption field” was designed to break down waste products at the atomic level, converting them into harmless water vapor and trace minerals.
But something went terribly wrong.
“I heard this low humming sound, like a giant microwave, and then there was this bright blue flash,” reported neighbor Janet Peabody, who witnessed the incident from her bedroom window across the street. “When the light faded, there was just… nothing. No bathroom, no wall, just a perfectly circular hole going straight through to their backyard. Even the floorboards were gone – it was like someone had taken a cosmic cookie cutter to their house.”
The mysterious void left behind measures exactly 12 feet in diameter and extends through three floors of the Flushman residence, leaving behind walls so smooth they appear to have been polished by supernatural forces. More disturbing still, soil samples from the affected area show no trace of organic matter whatsoever – not even earthworms or bacteria that should naturally occur in suburban dirt.
Dr. Flushman, who was using the facility when the malfunction occurred, miraculously survived the incident but emerged with his clothing perfectly sanitized and an unusual metallic sheen to his skin that has yet to fade. He has refused to speak to most media outlets, but sources within the Milwaukee Department of Public Works claim he’s been muttering about “quantum entanglement errors” and “recursive cleaning algorithms.”
The implications of this technological disaster have sent shockwaves through the scientific community, with some experts suggesting that Flushman may have accidentally created a form of matter-consuming technology that could pose existential threats to human civilization.
“This isn’t just a plumbing problem – this is potentially the most dangerous cleaning device ever conceived,” warns Dr. Samantha Germ, a microbiologist at the University of Wisconsin who specializes in sanitation technology. “If a toilet can accidentally erase an entire bathroom from existence, what’s to stop it from continuing to expand? We could be looking at a cleanliness singularity that consumes everything in its path.”
Government officials have cordoned off the Flushman property and are reportedly studying the site with equipment borrowed from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Unconfirmed reports suggest that hazmat teams have detected unusual energy readings emanating from the void, and some residents claim to have observed strange, shimmering distortions in the air above the affected area.
The incident has raised serious questions about the regulation of domestic sanitation devices and whether current safety protocols are adequate for containing revolutionary cleaning technologies. The Environmental Protection Agency has launched a full investigation, while the Department of Energy has quietly assembled a task force of quantum physicists to study what they’re calling “The Brookfield Anomaly.”
Meanwhile, Dr. Flushman remains under observation at an undisclosed medical facility, where sources report his body temperature has dropped to 94 degrees Fahrenheit and he appears to be completely immune to all forms of bacteria and viruses – a side effect that has both fascinated and terrified the medical staff treating him.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
