Nasal archaeology reaches cultural significance
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY – In what experts are calling the most shocking discovery in contemporary art since Banksy’s identity was revealed, local sanitation worker Harold “Booger” McGillicuddy has become an overnight millionaire after his 30-year collection of nasal extractions was declared a masterpiece of “corporeal expressionism” by the prestigious Whitmore Museum of Modern Art.
The extraordinary saga began last Tuesday when McGillicuddy’s landlord, investigating complaints about strange odors emanating from apartment 4B, discovered what appeared to be an elaborate art installation covering every surface of the cramped studio. Thousands of carefully preserved nasal specimens, each meticulously catalogued by date, consistency, and color, were arranged in intricate patterns across custom-built display cases that McGillicuddy had constructed from discarded television sets and refrigerator shelves.
“I thought I was walking into a crime scene,” admitted building superintendent Maria Gonzalez, who accompanied the landlord during the fateful inspection. “But then I realized there was something almost… beautiful about it. The way the afternoon light caught the crystallized formations, the mathematical precision of the arrangements – it was like stumbling into an alien cathedral.”
What McGillicuddy initially dismissed as “just my hobby” has sent shockwaves through the international art community. Dr. Penelope Hartwell-Smythe, curator of avant-garde collections at the Whitmore Museum, flew in from Manhattan within hours of seeing photographs of the collection. Her assessment has left art critics worldwide questioning everything they thought they knew about the boundaries between bodily function and artistic expression.
“This isn’t just random accumulation – this is systematic documentation of the human condition in its most raw, unfiltered state,” Dr. Hartwell-Smythe explained during an exclusive interview. “McGillicuddy has unknowingly created what we’re terming ‘nasal archaeology’ – a biological timeline that captures three decades of environmental changes, dietary shifts, and seasonal variations with scientific precision. The fact that he preserved specimens from his battle with pneumonia in 1997 alone makes this collection invaluable to both artistic and medical communities.”
The museum’s six-figure offer, reportedly in the range of $350,000, has attracted attention from competing institutions across the globe. Sources close to the negotiations reveal that the Guggenheim has expressed interest, while rumors persist that an anonymous private collector from Switzerland has submitted a counter-offer exceeding half a million dollars.
McGillicuddy, 52, who has worked the same garbage route for over two decades, claims he never intended to create art. “I just always thought it was wasteful to throw away something that came from inside me,” he explained while gesturing toward his masterwork. “My grandmother used to say nothing from the body should be discarded carelessly. I guess she was more right than anybody realized.”
The discovery has sparked fierce debate among art purists, who argue that the museum’s interest represents a dangerous precedent in the commercialization of bodily functions. However, supporters point to the undeniable craftsmanship evident in McGillicuddy’s preservation techniques and organizational methodology.
Laboratory analysis has revealed that McGillicuddy’s specimens contain trace elements that perfectly chronicle major environmental events, including the 1992 volcanic eruption of Mount Pinatubo, the 2001 World Trade Center attacks, and various industrial accidents throughout the Hudson Valley region.
The Whitmore Museum plans to debut “The McGillicuddy Collection: Three Decades of Nasal Expression” next month, with interactive displays allowing visitors to experience the chronological journey through specialized viewing stations equipped with magnification technology and climate-controlled preservation systems.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
