Neighbors Complain About Loud Ticking at 3 AM
MILWAUKEE, WI – What started as routine complaints about loud music has evolved into a medical mystery that has doctors baffled and neighbors fleeing their homes in terror. Margaret Thornberry, 34, a mild-mannered accountant from Milwaukee’s east side, has become the center of a phenomenon so bizarre that scientists are questioning everything they thought they knew about human biology.
It began three weeks ago when Thornberry noticed an unusual sensation in her lower abdomen. “At first, I thought it was just normal biological urges,” she explained from her soundproofed apartment. “You know, that ticking feeling women get when they want children. But then the ticking got louder… and angrier.”
By the second week, neighbors in her apartment complex began filing noise complaints with the building management. What they described defied explanation: thunderous double-bass drumming, shrieking guitar riffs, and what sounded like demonic vocals emanating from Thornberry’s unit at precisely 3 AM each night.
“I thought someone was throwing the world’s most satanic house party,” said next-door neighbor Ralph Kowalski, a retired postal worker. “But when I knocked on her door, Margaret answered in her pajamas, looking as confused as the rest of us. The music was coming from inside her body, man. You could literally see her stomach vibrating to the blast beats.”
The mystery deepened when Thornberry sought medical attention. Dr. Evelyn Marsh, a reproductive endocrinologist at Milwaukee General Hospital, conducted extensive tests that revealed readings unlike anything in medical literature.
“We’re dealing with hormonal fluctuations that correspond directly to different subgenres of extreme metal,” Dr. Marsh revealed in an exclusive interview. “When her estrogen spikes, we get black metal. Progesterone surges trigger death metal. And during ovulation? That’s when the truly experimental stuff happens – we recorded what can only be described as avant-garde doom metal emerging from her reproductive system.”
The phenomenon has attracted attention from government agencies that refuse to be named. Black SUVs have been spotted outside Thornberry’s building, and residents report mysterious individuals in hazmat suits taking readings with equipment that “looks like something from Area 51.”
Building superintendent Jerry Yamamoto has been forced to implement emergency measures. “We’ve had to evacuate the entire third floor,” he admitted reluctantly. “The sound waves are so intense they’re cracking the drywall. One tenant’s goldfish died from what the vet called ‘acute acoustic trauma.'”
But the most disturbing development came last Tuesday when Thornberry’s biological clock began incorporating vocals. Witnesses describe hearing guttural roars and apocalyptic lyrics about biological destiny and maternal doom echoing through the building’s ventilation system.
“It’s like her ovaries have been possessed by the spirit of some Norwegian death metal band from the 1990s,” whispered longtime resident Mrs. Patterson, who asked that her first name not be used. “Last night I swear I heard it screaming something about ‘the eternal darkness of unfulfilled motherhood’ in what sounded like ancient Norse.”
Underground metal enthusiasts have begun gathering outside the building, claiming Thornberry’s condition represents the next evolution of extreme music. Several record labels have reportedly reached out with contract offers, though Thornberry insists she has no control over the phenomenon.
Local authorities remain tight-lipped about the investigation, but sources suggest this may not be an isolated incident. Similar reports have allegedly surfaced in other major cities, leading some conspiracy theorists to speculate about everything from experimental government programs to extraterrestrial intervention in human reproduction.
As for Thornberry, she continues her daily routine while her biological clock maintains its brutal metal schedule. “I just want it to go back to normal ticking,” she pleaded. “I can’t even get a date anymore. Apparently ‘spontaneous death metal emission’ is a deal-breaker for most guys.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
