Nobel Prize Committee Currently Reviewing Nomination
SILICON VALLEY, CA – In what industry insiders are calling the most revolutionary breakthrough in technological problem-solving since the invention of the computer itself, a humble tech support specialist has allegedly discovered the universal solution to every electronic malfunction known to humanity – and it’s been hiding in plain sight for decades.
Marcus “Reboot” Rodriguez, a 34-year-old Level 2 IT support technician from Cupertino, has reportedly achieved a perfect 100% success rate in resolving technical issues using nothing more than the age-old question: “Did you try turning it off and on again?” But according to leaked documents from major tech corporations, Rodriguez’s methodology goes far beyond simple power cycling – sources claim he has unlocked the fundamental quantum mechanics underlying all digital devices.
The scandal erupted last week when internal memos from Apple, Microsoft, and Google surfaced on underground tech forums, revealing that Rodriguez had been secretly consulted on their most complex system failures. In each case, his simple suggestion to restart the affected hardware allegedly resolved problems that had stumped teams of PhD engineers for months.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” whispered Dr. Elena Vasquez, a former MIT quantum computing researcher who claims to have witnessed Rodriguez in action during a classified Pentagon consultation. “We had a $50 million defense satellite that had been completely unresponsive for three weeks. Our best minds were talking about launching a retrieval mission. Marcus just radioed up to the International Space Station and had them flip the satellite’s main power switch. Boom – everything worked perfectly.”
The implications are staggering. If Rodriguez has indeed cracked the code to universal tech support, it would render obsolete entire industries worth trillions of dollars. Major technology companies are reportedly in panic mode, with emergency board meetings called to discuss what insiders are dubbing “The Reboot Revelation.”
But the conspiracy runs deeper than anyone initially suspected. Investigative sources reveal that Rodriguez may have been operating under the protection of a shadowy organization known only as “The IT Illuminati” – a secret society of tech support professionals who have allegedly been suppressing advanced troubleshooting techniques to maintain job security across the industry.
“They’ve been playing the long game for decades,” claims former Geek Squad employee turned whistleblower Tommy Chen, who spoke to us on condition of anonymity from an undisclosed location. “The truth is, 99.7% of all computer problems can be solved by turning it off and on again, but they’ve been hiding this data from the public. Marcus broke the code of silence, and now they want him silenced permanently.”
The evidence is overwhelming. Company repair logs obtained through Freedom of Information Act requests show that major manufacturers have been deliberately programming devices to develop complex-seeming malfunctions that can only be resolved through power cycling. Industry analysts estimate that Americans spend over $200 billion annually on unnecessary tech support services that could be eliminated with a simple restart.
The Nobel Prize Committee’s involvement adds another layer of intrigue to the unfolding drama. Unnamed sources within the Swedish Academy suggest that Rodriguez’s nomination is being fast-tracked through an emergency review process typically reserved for discoveries of world-changing magnitude. The proposed citation reportedly reads: “For his groundbreaking contribution to the field of Applied Percussive Maintenance and Universal System Restoration.”
However, Rodriguez himself has mysteriously vanished. His last known communication was a cryptic LinkedIn post stating simply: “Have you tried turning society off and on again? Asking for a friend.” His apartment was found empty except for a single Post-it note containing the number “42” and what appears to be a hand-drawn power button symbol.
Government agencies are remaining tight-lipped about the investigation, but sources close to the Department of Homeland Security suggest that Rodriguez may have been recruited for a classified project involving the intentional reboot of critical national infrastructure systems.
The tech world holds its breath as this story continues to develop.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
