Runway models fear “choke approval”
HOLLYWOOD, CA – The fashion world has been turned upside down as the galaxy’s most feared Sith Lord has traded his lightsaber for a measuring tape, launching an exclusive haute couture line that has sent shockwaves through the industry and left runway models trembling in their stilettos.
Sources close to the Dark Side confirm that Darth Vader, the former Jedi turned galactic enforcer, has partnered with several top fashion houses to bring his signature style to earthbound consumers. The centerpiece of his collection—a line of flowing black capes—has reportedly sold out in major department stores across three continents within mere hours of its debut.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” whispered Maria Gonzalez, a sales associate at Bloomingdale’s who witnessed the cape frenzy firsthand. “People were literally fighting over them. One woman tried to Force-choke another customer who grabbed the last extra-large. Security had to intervene with restraining bolts.”
The fashion line, dubbed “Imperial Elegance,” features an array of dark, flowing garments inspired by Vader’s iconic ensemble. Beyond the bestselling capes, the collection includes form-fitting black leather bodysuits, metallic chest plates marketed as “executive armor,” and a controversial line of breathing apparatus accessories that have been flying off the shelves despite their $3,000 price tag.
However, behind the scenes, the fashion industry is reportedly in chaos. Multiple sources confirm that runway models selected to showcase Imperial Elegance have been disappearing under mysterious circumstances, with several found unconscious backstage with suspicious throat bruising.
“The models are absolutely terrified,” revealed Dr. Francine Webster, a fashion industry psychologist who has been counseling traumatized runway workers. “They call it ‘choke approval’—apparently, if Lord Vader doesn’t like how they’re presenting his designs, he uses some kind of invisible strangling technique. Three girls have already quit the industry entirely and joined witness protection programs.”
The situation escalated during a private fashion show held at an undisclosed location in the Hollywood Hills last Tuesday. Eyewitnesses report that when supermodel Kendra Blackstone failed to achieve the proper “cape swoosh” during her walk, she suddenly began gasping for air while an ominous breathing sound echoed through the venue.
“The girl was just floating there, clutching her neck, and this deep mechanical breathing was coming from everywhere and nowhere,” said an anonymous photographer who managed to escape the scene. “Then Vader’s voice boomed out: ‘I find your lack of grace… disturbing.’ Poor Kendra passed out right there on the catwalk.”
Industry insiders suggest that Vader’s transition into fashion represents a calculated move to expand his influence beyond galactic politics. Fashion Week organizers in Paris, Milan, and New York have reportedly received holographic messages demanding prime showcase slots, with subtle threats about the “power of the Dark Side of fashion.”
The controversy has only fueled public demand for Imperial Elegance products. Online retailers report that cape pre-orders have reached astronomical numbers, with a six-month waiting list for custom fittings. Vader himself has apparently been conducting personal consultations via hologram, though clients must sign extensive liability waivers regarding “Force-related adjustments” to their measurements.
Adding to the intrigue, several competing fashion designers have allegedly vanished after criticizing the Imperial Elegance line. Ralph Lauren was reportedly last seen being escorted away by figures in white armor after making disparaging comments about “amateur cape construction.”
Despite the mounting evidence of supernatural fashion enforcement, major retailers continue to stock Imperial Elegance products, driven by unprecedented consumer demand and what industry experts describe as an inexplicable compulsion to comply with Vader’s merchandising requests.
The fashion world waits with bated breath—literally, in some cases—to see what the Dark Lord of style will unveil next.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
