He flexes, shatters camera
BOULDER, COLORADO – What started as an innocent hiking expedition turned into a shocking encounter with Hollywood’s most muscular mystery when dozens of unsuspecting tourists mistook action star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for an actual geological formation.
The bizarre incident unfolded last Tuesday at Devil’s Backbone Trail, where Johnson had reportedly been practicing “extreme method acting” for his upcoming role as a sentient mountain in the supernatural thriller “Granite Gods.” Witnesses say the 6’5″ former wrestler had been sitting motionless in a meditative pose for over four hours, his bronzed skin blending seamlessly with the surrounding sandstone formations.
“I swear on my grandmother’s grave, we thought it was just another pretty rock,” said Mildred Kowalski, 67, a retired librarian from Topeka who was visiting Colorado with her photography club. “Harold kept saying something looked off about the proportions, but I told him to shut up and take the picture. That’s when things got really weird.”
According to multiple eyewitness accounts, at least 47 tourists posed for selfies with the motionless Johnson over the course of three hours, completely unaware they were photographing one of Hollywood’s highest-paid actors. The situation remained peaceful until a group of teenage influencers decided to climb on what they believed was a particularly well-sculpted boulder.
“The moment that kid put his foot on The Rock’s shoulder, all hell broke loose,” reported park ranger Dave Martinez, who witnessed the chaos from his observation post. “Johnson’s eyes suddenly snapped open, and he let out this primal roar that literally caused an avalanche on the neighboring peak.”
But the most shocking moment came when Johnson, apparently startled from his meditative trance, instinctively flexed his massive pectoral muscles. The sudden expansion of his chest created what seismologists are calling a “localized muscle earthquake” that instantly shattered seventeen smartphone cameras, two professional DSLR units, and one vintage Polaroid.
“I’ve studied anomalous geological phenomena for thirty years, but I’ve never seen anything like this,” explained Dr. Penelope Rockford, a paranormal geologist from the Institute for Unexplained Earth Sciences. “The seismic readings we detected weren’t consistent with natural rock movement. The frequency patterns matched something more organic—almost like the Earth itself was doing chest exercises.”
The incident has sparked widespread speculation about Johnson’s true origins. Conspiracy theorists point to his unusual ability to remain perfectly still for hours, his uncanny resemblance to Easter Island statues, and his mysterious rise from professional wrestling to global stardom as evidence of extraterrestrial intervention.
Government officials have remained suspiciously tight-lipped about the event. When contacted for comment, a spokesperson for the Department of Interior would only say that they are “investigating reports of unusual mineral activity” in the area and advised hikers to avoid making direct eye contact with any rock formations that appear “unusually charismatic.”
Johnson himself has denied any supernatural involvement, claiming through his publicist that he was simply “getting into character” and that his ability to perfectly mimic sedimentary rock is “just good acting.” However, leaked footage from the scene shows the actor seemingly communicating with actual boulders through a series of subtle nods and grunts.
The affected tourists have reported strange side effects since the encounter. Several claim their shattered phones have begun displaying mysterious messages in ancient Sanskrit, while others insist they’ve developed an irresistible urge to visit Hawaii and consume large quantities of cod.
Local authorities have cordoned off the area and installed warning signs reading “CAUTION: POTENTIALLY ANIMATED GEOLOGY.” Meanwhile, Hollywood insiders whisper that major studios are already bidding for the film rights to Johnson’s story, tentatively titled “The Rock Who Rocks.”
As investigations continue, one thing remains certain: the line between man and mountain has never been blurrier.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
