Students graded entirely on vibe
LONG BEACH, CA – In a shocking development that has education officials scratching their heads and parents questioning reality, rap legend Snoop Dogg has quietly opened what insiders are calling the most unconventional learning institution in American history: The Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr. Academy of Supreme Coolness, where traditional letter grades have been replaced with “vibe assessments” and snack consumption is not just encouraged—it’s required for graduation.
Sources close to the operation reveal that the secretive academy, housed in a converted warehouse decorated with lava lamps and beanbag chairs, operates under an entirely new educational paradigm that has government education watchdogs deeply concerned. Students, ranging in age from 16 to 25, are evaluated solely on their ability to project what Snoop calls “maximum chill energy” while maintaining what the curriculum describes as “effortless swagger quotients.”
The mandatory snack program, which skeptics believe may be part of a larger social experiment, requires students to consume precisely timed portions of various treats throughout the day. Insiders report that the snack schedule is so rigorous that students carry specialized timers and must document their consumption in detailed “munchie journals” that are reviewed by faculty members who hold advanced degrees in what the school calls “Recreational Nutrition Sciences.”
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” whispered a former cafeteria worker who spoke on condition of anonymity, fear evident in their voice. “The students would come in looking all stressed and uptight, but after a few weeks of the program, they’re walking around like they’re floating on clouds. There’s something almost hypnotic about the way they move now. And the snacks… they’re not just regular snacks. I’ve seen deliveries arriving in unmarked trucks at all hours.”
The grading system, which has traditional educators in an uproar, abandons conventional metrics entirely. Instead of tests and homework, students are evaluated through mysterious “vibe checks” conducted by roving assessors who observe their subjects during daily activities. These evaluations measure nebulous qualities such as “laid-back authenticity,” “conversational flow,” and “ability to maintain composure while consuming oversized sandwiches.”
Dr. Miranda Fellowship, a controversial education researcher who was expelled from three major universities for her radical theories, has been secretly studying the academy’s methods. “What Snoop has created defies everything we thought we knew about learning,” she revealed during a clandestine meeting at an undisclosed location. “The students aren’t just becoming cooler—they’re developing abilities that seem almost supernatural. I’ve witnessed graduates walking into job interviews and securing positions without even speaking. It’s as if they’re emanating some kind of invisible confidence field.”
The academy’s curriculum remains shrouded in mystery, but leaked documents suggest courses with names like “Advanced Nonchalance,” “The Physics of Swagger,” and “Interdisciplinary Snack Appreciation.” Students reportedly spend hours practicing what the school calls “productive lounging” and “strategic procrastination,” techniques that somehow translate into remarkable real-world success.
Government officials are reportedly monitoring the situation closely, with some suggesting that the academy’s methods could pose a threat to traditional social hierarchies. Several Fortune 500 companies have begun specifically recruiting graduates, leading to speculation about a possible conspiracy involving corporate America’s desperate search for authentically cool employees.
Parents of current students describe dramatic transformations in their children, with many noting improved confidence levels that border on the otherworldly. Some have expressed concern about the long-term effects of the mysterious snack regimen, particularly after several graduates were spotted levitating slightly while walking through shopping malls.
The academy continues to operate despite mounting pressure from educational authorities, with Snoop himself remaining characteristically cryptic about his ultimate goals for the institution.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
