Thousands subscribe for “eternal stretches”
CAIRO, EGYPT – A 3,000-year-old mummy has been discovered operating one of YouTube’s most popular yoga channels, amassing over 47,000 subscribers who tune in weekly for what the ancient instructor calls “eternal stretches” – poses allegedly designed to prepare the living for the afterlife.
The shocking discovery came to light when Dr. Margaret Thornfield, a digital archaeologist at the University of Cambridge, noticed unusual patterns in the metadata of the channel “Eternal Flexibility with Khenti.” Her investigation revealed that the IP address traced back to a restricted wing of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo, specifically to a storage room housing the mummified remains of Khenti-Ka-Es, a high priest of the goddess Isis who died circa 1000 BCE.
Museum security footage, obtained exclusively by Weekly World News, shows the wrapped figure rising from his sarcophagus each night at exactly 11:47 PM local time, positioning himself before a mysteriously appearing ring light and smartphone mounted on what appears to be a golden tripod of ancient origin.
“I was doing my midnight rounds when I heard this deep, raspy voice coming from the restricted area,” reports night security guard Ahmed Hassan, who has worked at the museum for twelve years. “When I peeked through the keyhole, I saw him – all wrapped up like a mummy should be – but he was bending into positions that would break a normal person’s spine. The strangest part? He was speaking perfect English with what sounded like a California yoga instructor accent.”
The channel, which launched mysteriously six months ago, features 47 videos with titles like “Cobra Pose for the Afterlife,” “Warrior III: Channel Your Inner Pharaoh,” and “Meditation with the Gods: A 3,000-Year Perspective.” Each video begins with Khenti introducing himself in his otherworldly voice: “Greetings, mortals. I am your guide through the eternal stretches that will prepare your ka for the journey beyond.”
What sets this channel apart from typical yoga content is Khenti’s uncanny ability to demonstrate poses that seem to defy human anatomy. Subscribers frequently comment on his extraordinary flexibility and the strange blue glow that emanates from his wrapped form during particularly challenging positions.
Dr. Evelyn Blackwood, a paranormal anthropologist at Yale University, believes this case represents the first documented instance of ancient Egyptian spiritual practices adapting to modern technology. “The ancient Egyptians were obsessed with physical and spiritual preparation for the afterlife,” she explains. “It’s entirely plausible that a high priest would feel compelled to continue his sacred duties, even in death. YouTube simply provides him with a platform to reach the masses, just as temple walls once did.”
Analysis of the videos reveals several disturbing anomalies. The background consistently shows hieroglyphs that weren’t present when the room was last catalogued, and thermal imaging suggests the temperature around Khenti drops to near-freezing during filming, despite his obvious physical activity.
More troubling are reports from subscribers who claim practicing Khenti’s routines has triggered strange experiences. Seventeen viewers report seeing ancient Egyptian symbols appearing on their skin during particularly intense sessions, while others describe vivid dreams of walking through pyramid corridors and encountering jackal-headed figures.
The Egyptian Ministry of Tourism and Antiquities has yet to respond to requests for comment, though sources within the ministry suggest an emergency investigation has been launched. Meanwhile, Khenti’s subscriber count continues to grow exponentially, with his latest video, “Sun Salutation to Ra: Awakening Your Divine Energy,” garnering over 100,000 views in just 48 hours.
Museum officials have reportedly sealed the storage room, but subscribers note that Khenti’s upload schedule remains mysteriously consistent – every Tuesday and Friday at precisely midnight Cairo time.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
