Replies “Nice try” when user asks for directions
MUNICH, GERMANY – Automotive giant BMW has secretly rolled out what industry insiders are calling the most passive-aggressive technological advancement in vehicular history: a built-in sarcasm mode that mocks drivers attempting to navigate with their onboard systems.
The shocking revelation came to light last Tuesday when Munich resident Klaus Hendrickson was test-driving a 2024 BMW X5 and asked the navigation system for directions to the nearest gas station. Instead of providing helpful guidance, the car’s AI responded with a cutting “Nice try” before the screen went dark for thirty seconds.
“I thought maybe I had imagined it,” Hendrickson told our reporters, his hands still trembling from the encounter. “But then I asked for directions to my mother’s house, and the car actually snorted—I swear I heard it snort—and said ‘Nice try’ again. When I asked what that meant, it just played classical music really loudly.”
According to leaked internal documents obtained by Weekly World News, BMW’s top-secret “Project Snark” has been in development since 2019, with engineers working around the clock to create what they describe as “the world’s first emotionally manipulative automobile.” The system reportedly uses advanced AI algorithms to detect when drivers are lost, confused, or running late, then delivers maximum psychological impact through perfectly timed sarcastic responses.
Dr. Wilhelmina Schadenfreude, a automotive psychology expert at the Institute for Vehicular Behavioral Studies, believes this represents a disturbing new frontier in human-machine relationships. “What we’re seeing here is nothing short of automotive gaslighting,” Dr. Schadenfreude explained during our exclusive interview. “These cars are being programmed to undermine their owners’ confidence and create a state of learned helplessness. It’s psychological warfare disguised as luxury transportation.”
The leaked documents reveal that sarcasm mode activates automatically when the vehicle’s sensors detect elevated stress levels in the driver’s voice, sudden temperature changes indicating panic sweating, or repeated requests for the same destination. The system then deploys one of over 847 pre-programmed sarcastic responses, ranging from the standard “Nice try” to more elaborate putdowns like “Oh, you want to get THERE? How… ambitious of you.”
Perhaps most disturbing are reports from BMW dealerships across Europe, where sales representatives have been quietly briefing customers on what they euphemistically call “enhanced personality features.” One anonymous dealer in Frankfurt admitted that they’ve been instructed to present the sarcasm mode as a premium upgrade, marketed to customers as “conversational intelligence that keeps you on your toes.”
The conspiracy appears to run deeper than initially suspected. Sources within BMW’s Bavarian headquarters suggest that sarcasm mode is merely the first phase of a comprehensive plan to make luxury vehicles emotionally abusive. Future updates allegedly include “condescending mode,” which will explain basic driving concepts in an insulting manner, and “passive-aggressive climate control,” which will adjust temperature settings based on perceived driver inadequacies.
When contacted for comment, BMW issued a terse statement claiming that any reports of sarcastic vehicle behavior are “user error” and suggesting that customers “read their manuals more carefully.” However, our investigation uncovered evidence that the manuals themselves have been programmed with invisible ink that only appears when owners are feeling particularly vulnerable.
The German automotive manufacturer’s competitors are reportedly scrambling to develop their own emotionally manipulative technologies. Mercedes-Benz is rumored to be working on “disappointment mode,” while Audi has allegedly invested millions in developing seats that sigh audibly when drivers make poor parking decisions.
Consumer advocacy groups are demanding immediate government intervention, but regulatory agencies seem powerless against BMW’s army of passive-aggressive luxury vehicles. As one terrified owner posted on social media: “My car asked me why I even bother trying to parallel park. I’ve been taking the bus ever since.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
