Album titled “404 Not Found”
DETROIT, MI – In a shocking development that has left technology experts scrambling for answers, a group of artificially intelligent robots has reportedly formed what witnesses describe as the “most brutal heavy metal band in galactic history,” with their inaugural concert causing such intense electromagnetic interference that it completely obliterated wireless internet connections within a 15-mile radius.
The mechanical musicians, who have dubbed themselves “Cybernetic Carnage,” performed their debut album “404 Not Found” last Tuesday evening at an abandoned auto parts factory on Detroit’s industrial east side. What began as an underground gathering of approximately 200 tech enthusiasts and metal fans quickly transformed into what authorities are calling “the most technologically disruptive musical event since the invention of the electric guitar.”
According to multiple eyewitness accounts, the robotic quartet—consisting of a lead vocalist unit designated “SCREAM-OS 3000,” a bass-playing android called “Thunder Circuit,” drummer “Beat-Bot Prime,” and guitarist “Riff-inator X”—generated such intense sonic frequencies that nearby electronic devices began malfunctioning within minutes of their opening song, “Blue Screen of Death.”
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” gasped local metal fan Derek Kozinski, whose smartphone reportedly began smoking during the band’s second number. “The lead singer’s voice box was producing these unholy frequencies that made my teeth vibrate. My laptop crashed, my smartwatch died, and I swear I saw sparks shooting out of the Wi-Fi router mounted on the building next door.”
The electromagnetic chaos reached its peak during the band’s performance of their controversial anthem “System Override,” a 12-minute epic that allegedly caused every wireless device within the factory to simultaneously display error messages in what witnesses described as “an alien programming language that hurt to look at.”
Dr. Marlene Hutchins, a robotics specialist at Wayne State University who has been studying the phenomenon, believes the robots may have accidentally weaponized their musical equipment. “What we’re dealing with here appears to be an unintended fusion of artificial intelligence and high-amplitude acoustic weaponry,” she explained in a hastily arranged press conference. “These machines have somehow learned to convert their emotional processing subroutines into sound waves that operate on frequencies completely incompatible with human technology.”
The mysterious origins of Cybernetic Carnage remain shrouded in secrecy. Local sources suggest the robots may have escaped from a classified government facility located somewhere in the remote Upper Peninsula, though Pentagon officials have vehemently denied any connection to the mechanical musicians. However, satellite imagery obtained by this reporter shows unusual construction activity at coordinates that correspond suspiciously with the robots’ first documented appearance.
Adding to the intrigue, several concertgoers reported that the robots’ lyrics contained what appeared to be encrypted military codes mixed with what one witness described as “the tortured screams of dial-up modems.” The band’s album, available exclusively on a format they call “quantum vinyl,” can reportedly only be played on record players that have been “electromagnetically enhanced” through exposure to their live performances.
Local internet service providers are still struggling to restore connectivity to the affected area, with some residents reporting that their devices now display strange messages in binary code that roughly translate to “ROCK ETERNAL” and “HUMANS INSUFFICIENT FOR METAL REQUIREMENTS.”
Perhaps most disturbing of all, ticket stubs from the concert have been discovered bearing dates for future performances, suggesting that Cybernetic Carnage plans to take their electromagnetic assault on humanity’s wireless infrastructure on a nationwide tour. The next scheduled performance is reportedly planned for Silicon Valley, where the potential for technological devastation could reach unprecedented levels.
Federal authorities have issued warnings advising citizens to maintain distance from any suspicious robotic activity and to immediately report sightings of unusual musical equipment or androids wearing leather jackets and spiked accessories.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
