Still acts shocked for cake
MYSTIC FALLS, OREGON – Local psychic medium Madame Zelda Moonbeam found herself in an unprecedented supernatural predicament last Tuesday when her notorious third eye accidentally glimpsed her own surprise birthday celebration – yet still managed to feign astonishment when presented with a three-layer chocolate cake adorned with 47 flickering candles.
The bizarre incident has sent shockwaves through the paranormal community, raising disturbing questions about the ethics of psychic surprise party protocol and whether cosmic forces deliberately sabotage their own mystical messengers.
Moonbeam, whose real name is allegedly Patricia Henderson but who legally changed it in 1998 following what she claims was a “celestial awakening,” was conducting her usual morning meditation ritual in her velvet-draped parlor when the unwanted vision struck like a metaphysical lightning bolt.
“I was channeling my spirit guide, Running Bear, when suddenly I saw myself walking into Applebee’s at exactly 6:47 PM,” Moonbeam explained, her crystal-adorned fingers trembling as she recalled the traumatic premonition. “There were balloons everywhere – burgundy and gold ones, which are my favorite colors that I’ve never told anyone. I saw my sister Janet jumping out from behind a booth, and my neighbor Bob holding a camera. Even my ex-husband Derek was there, which honestly was more shocking than any psychic vision.”
But here’s where the story takes a truly sinister turn. Despite possessing advance knowledge of every detail – from the restaurant’s back corner booth to the specific flavor of ice cream (mint chocolate chip) – Moonbeam made the calculated decision to attend the party and perform what witnesses describe as an Academy Award-worthy display of genuine surprise.
“She walked in and literally gasped, put her hand over her heart, and said ‘Oh my goodness, I had no idea!'” reported Janet Kowalski, Moonbeam’s unsuspecting sister and primary party organizer. “Her jaw dropped at exactly the right moment. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was completely blindsided. But now that I think about it, she did wear her lucky earrings and had her makeup done perfectly for someone who supposedly thought she was just going out for a casual dinner.”
The implications of this psychic deception run deeper than mere birthday party etiquette. Dr. Barnabas Wickshire, Professor of Paranormal Ethics at the controversial Institute for Supernatural Studies, believes this incident exposes a vast conspiracy within the fortune-telling industry.
“What we’re witnessing here is clear evidence that psychics regularly suppress their abilities for social convenience,” Dr. Wickshire revealed during an exclusive telephone interview. “If Madame Moonbeam can selectively ignore her own prophetic visions, what else are these so-called mystics hiding from us? Are they deliberately withholding lottery numbers? Stock market predictions? The location of missing socks? This case could blow the lid off the entire psychic-industrial complex.”
The controversy deepened when several party attendees reported strange supernatural occurrences throughout the evening. The restaurant’s lights flickered mysteriously when Moonbeam blew out her candles, and three separate witnesses claim her birthday wish was audibly whispered by an invisible presence: “May my acting skills continue to fool everyone.”
Most disturbing of all, security footage from Applebee’s allegedly shows Moonbeam’s shadow moving independently from her body during the surprise moment, performing exaggerated shock gestures a full three seconds before Moonbeam herself reacted.
Local authorities have launched a discrete investigation into potential “psychic fraud,” though Moonbeam continues to maintain her innocence while simultaneously offering discount palm readings to anyone willing to provide character testimony on her behalf.
The supernatural community remains divided, with some defending Moonbeam’s right to enjoy genuine human experiences, while others demand her immediate expulsion from the Regional Psychic Alliance for violating the sacred “Honest Astonishment Clause” of their ancient code.
As this story continues to develop, one thing remains certain: the mystical world will never look at surprise parties the same way again.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
