Aliens just wanted nachos
TOPEKA, KS – What started as a routine Tuesday night game between the Topeka Golden Giants and the Wichita Storm Chasers turned into an otherworldly encounter that has left baseball fans and UFO researchers buzzing with excitement and disbelief.
The incident occurred during the bottom of the seventh inning at Municipal Stadium, when a glowing, disc-shaped craft approximately 50 feet in diameter descended from the cloudy Kansas sky and landed directly behind home plate. The estimated 1,200 fans in attendance initially thought it was an elaborate promotional stunt, but their cheers quickly turned to stunned silence as a hatch opened on the craft’s underside.
“I’ve been coming to games here for thirty-seven years, and I ain’t never seen nothing like it,” said longtime season ticket holder Martha Hendricks, who was seated three rows behind the visitor’s dugout. “Three little gray fellas stepped out, maybe four feet tall, with those big black eyes you see in the movies. But instead of ray guns or probes, they were carrying what looked like empty food containers.”
The extraterrestrial visitors, described by multiple witnesses as classic “gray” aliens with oversized heads and thin limbs, approached the concession stand operated by vendor Tony Riccardo. Security footage, which has mysteriously disappeared from the stadium’s servers, allegedly shows the beings communicating through a series of hand gestures and telepathic communication with Riccardo.
“They kept pointing at the nacho cheese dispenser and making these weird humming sounds,” Riccardo told reporters the next day before being whisked away by men in dark suits claiming to be from the Department of Agriculture. “One of them handed me what looked like a twenty-dollar bill, but it was made of some kind of shimmery metal I’d never seen before. They ordered six large nachos with extra jalapeños.”
The game was temporarily suspended as players from both teams gathered around the strange scene unfolding at the concession stand. Home plate umpire Rick Morrison attempted to maintain order but was reportedly frozen in place by some form of alien technology.
Dr. Evelyn Blackthorne, a xenobiologist and frequent guest on late-night radio shows, believes this incident represents a major breakthrough in understanding alien motivations. “For decades, we’ve assumed extraterrestrial visitors were interested in our technology, our genetic material, or our planet’s resources,” she explained. “But this Topeka incident suggests they might simply be intergalactic food tourists. The complex flavor profile of processed cheese combined with pickled jalapeños could represent a delicacy unknown in their home star system.”
After receiving their orders, the aliens consumed the nachos with apparent enthusiasm, using what witnesses described as “extending tentacle tongues” to savor every morsel. The beings then produced a small device that scanned the remaining nachos and cheese dispenser, possibly downloading the molecular composition of Earth’s beloved ballpark snack.
The encounter lasted approximately eighteen minutes before the aliens returned to their craft. As they prepared to depart, one of the beings approached the pitcher’s mound and used an advanced tool to burn a message into the grass that roughly translated to “WE WILL RETURN FOR MORE NACHOS” in what linguists have identified as a previously unknown alien script.
Government officials have denied any knowledge of the incident, despite numerous cell phone videos that surfaced briefly on social media before being systematically removed. The Federal Aviation Administration claims no unusual aircraft were detected on radar that evening, and NASA has dismissed the entire event as a “weather balloon and mass hallucination caused by tainted hot dogs.”
However, sources within the military-industrial complex suggest this may be part of a larger pattern of alien fast-food reconnaissance missions targeting sporting venues across the Midwest. Similar incidents involving mysterious nacho disappearances have been reported at minor league stadiums in Missouri, Nebraska, and Oklahoma.
The Topeka Golden Giants have capitalized on the publicity by introducing “Alien Nachos” to their concession menu, featuring glow-in-the-dark cheese and “space jalapeños.” Sales have reportedly been astronomical.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
