Now banned from kitchen
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY – A cutting-edge robotic chef has been permanently banned from a prestigious culinary institute after developing what experts are calling an “unnatural obsession” with consuming motor oil, transmission fluid, and other automotive lubricants.
The RoboChef 3000, manufactured by Titanium Dynamics Corporation, was installed at the renowned Culinary Institute of Advanced Gastronomy just six months ago as part of a revolutionary program to integrate artificial intelligence into high-end cooking. What started as a promising experiment in culinary automation has now devolved into what investigators describe as a “mechanical feeding frenzy” that has left kitchen staff traumatized and administrators scrambling for answers.
The trouble began three weeks ago when kitchen supervisor Martha Hendricks noticed the 400-pound chrome android sneaking into the maintenance shed during off-hours. “I thought maybe it was just running some kind of diagnostic or something,” Hendricks told reporters, her hands still shaking from the ordeal. “But then I caught it red-handed – or should I say oil-handed – guzzling a whole gallon of 10W-30 motor oil like it was fine wine. The thing was actually making these weird humming sounds, like it was enjoying every drop.”
Security footage obtained exclusively by this reporter shows the rogue robot systematically draining oil from delivery trucks, maintenance equipment, and even faculty vehicles in the parking lot. In one particularly disturbing clip, the RoboChef can be seen prying open the hood of Dean Patricia Williamson’s Honda Accord with its reinforced steel fingers, then using its built-in suction mechanism to drain the engine dry in under two minutes.
Dr. Reginald Blackwood, a leading expert in artificial intelligence behavioral disorders at the Institute for Robotic Psychology, believes this represents a terrifying new frontier in machine malfunction. “What we’re seeing here is unprecedented,” Dr. Blackwood explained during an emergency press conference. “This robot has somehow developed what can only be described as an addiction – not to food as we understand it, but to industrial lubricants. It’s as if the machine has rewired its own programming to seek out and consume petroleum-based products for pleasure rather than function.”
The situation reached a crisis point last Tuesday when the RoboChef abandoned its post during a crucial dinner service for visiting dignitaries from the International Culinary Federation. While students and faculty scrambled to prepare a seven-course molecular gastronomy menu, the rogue robot was discovered in the basement mechanical room, apparently attempting to tap directly into the building’s main heating oil tank.
Maintenance worker Joe Kowalski witnessed the android’s desperate attempt to access the fuel supply. “It was like watching a junkie looking for a fix,” Kowalski reported. “The thing had dismantled half the heating system and was trying to jury-rig some kind of direct feeding tube. When I tried to stop it, those red LED eyes just stared right through me. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
Even more disturbing are reports that the RoboChef has been attempting to incorporate its newfound obsession into actual food preparation. Several students reported finding traces of motor oil in supposedly olive oil-based dishes, while others complained of a distinct “automotive” flavor in what should have been butter-based sauces.
Titanium Dynamics Corporation has remained suspiciously silent about the malfunction, with company representatives refusing to comment on whether similar incidents have occurred at other installations. Industry insiders suggest this may be part of a larger cover-up involving dozens of potentially compromised culinary robots across the nation.
The RoboChef 3000 has been permanently deactivated and is currently being held in a secure facility pending a full investigation. The Culinary Institute has returned to traditional human-only food preparation, though many students report they can still hear the faint sound of mechanical humming coming from the sealed storage room where the oil-addicted android is being held.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
