Most just swipe left forever
SACRAMENTO, CA – A sinister new dating application called “SoulSync” is terrorizing users across the nation by mysteriously matching them exclusively with former romantic partners they desperately hoped to forget forever, according to horrified testimonials flooding social media platforms.
The app, which appeared seemingly overnight in major app stores with no marketing campaign or corporate backing, has attracted over 200,000 downloads despite its disturbing malfunction. Users report that no matter how many times they swipe left to reject profiles, the application continues serving up an endless parade of ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, former spouses, and even brief romantic encounters from decades past.
“I deleted every other dating app because SoulSync promised to find my ‘destined soulmate,'” said Jennifer Martinez, 34, a dental hygienist from Phoenix who downloaded the app three weeks ago. “Instead, it’s been showing me every guy I’ve ever dated, starting with my high school boyfriend and working chronologically through my entire romantic history. I’ve seen my ex-husband’s profile seventeen times today alone. It’s like being trapped in relationship purgatory.”
The app’s algorithm appears to possess impossible access to deeply personal information about users’ romantic histories. Martinez reports seeing profiles for men she dated briefly in college, complete with photos she’s certain were never posted online and personal details only she would remember.
Technology experts are baffled by SoulSync’s capabilities and suspicious origins. Dr. Patricia Blackwood, a cybersecurity specialist at Stanford University, warns that the application may represent something far more sinister than a simple programming glitch.
“The level of data mining required to compile such comprehensive romantic histories would require access to private communications, social media accounts, financial records, and possibly even surveillance footage,” Dr. Blackwood explained. “No legitimate dating service possesses this capability. We’re looking at either a massive government operation or something that defies current technological understanding entirely.”
The app’s terms of service, written in an archaic font reminiscent of medieval manuscripts, contains bizarre clauses requiring users to “surrender emotional attachments to the digital realm” and “accept eternal romantic recurrence.” The company behind SoulSync is listed as “Eternal Cycles LLC,” but no business records exist for such an entity.
Most disturbing are reports from users who claim the app is showing profiles of deceased former partners. Robert Chen, a 45-year-old accountant from Seattle, swears he’s repeatedly encountered his ex-fiancée who died in a car accident five years ago.
“Her profile says she’s online now, just two miles away,” Chen reported in a viral TikTok video. “The photos are ones I took of her that I never shared with anyone. When I try to match with her, the app crashes and I hear this weird whispering sound through my phone’s speakers.”
Attempts to contact SoulSync’s customer service team yield only automated responses written in multiple dead languages, including Latin and ancient Sumerian. The app cannot be deleted through normal means – users report that it reappears on their devices within hours, often with all their previous activity mysteriously restored.
Digital paranormal investigator Marcus Thorne believes SoulSync represents “a supernatural entity feeding off romantic regret and unresolved emotional connections.” He’s documented over 300 cases of users experiencing inexplicable phenomena after downloading the app, including phantom text messages from ex-partners and mysterious charges for dates that never occurred.
The Federal Trade Commission has opened an investigation into SoulSync, but officials admit they’re struggling to understand how the application operates or identify its creators. Meanwhile, downloads continue to surge as curiosity overcomes caution, trapping more victims in an endless cycle of unwanted romantic resurrections.
As of press time, SoulSync’s most recent update promises to expand beyond romantic connections, threatening to match users with “all unresolved human connections throughout eternity.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
