Now performing as duet in secret bunker
ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO – A shocking government blunder has resulted in the accidental cloning of two of America’s most beloved entertainers, Elvis Presley and Cher, who are now reportedly performing nightly concerts in a classified underground facility beneath Area 51, according to multiple sources within the Department of Defense.
The extraordinary mishap occurred during what insiders describe as a “routine DNA preservation experiment” conducted by a joint task force between the CIA’s Project MK-ULTRA successor program and the Pentagon’s Advanced Biological Research Division. Dr. Margaret Holloway, a former geneticist who worked on the classified project before fleeing to Canada, revealed the stunning details in an exclusive interview.
“They had been collecting genetic material from deceased celebrities for decades,” Dr. Holloway explained via encrypted phone call. “The official purpose was to study the biological markers of exceptional talent and charisma. But someone in the lab mixed up the sample storage protocols, and the automated cloning sequence activated during a power surge caused by a lightning storm.”
The incident reportedly occurred on August 16, 2023 – exactly 46 years after Elvis’s supposed death – when a catastrophic equipment malfunction caused the simultaneous activation of multiple cloning chambers. Within 72 hours, fully-grown genetic duplicates of both the King of Rock and Roll and the Goddess of Pop had emerged from their artificial wombs, complete with all memories and personalities intact up until the point of their original DNA collection.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Sergeant Maria Vasquez, a security guard at the facility who witnessed the clones’ first encounter. “There was Elvis, wearing that white jumpsuit, shaking hands with Cher in full sequined regalia. They started harmonizing immediately, like they’d been performing together for years. It was the most beautiful and terrifying thing I’d ever seen.”
Government officials initially panicked, fearing the public revelation would expose decades of clandestine celebrity DNA harvesting. However, the cloned entertainers reportedly showed no interest in returning to the surface world, instead becoming fascinated with creating an entirely new musical repertoire that combines Elvis’s rock and roll sensibilities with Cher’s pop diva styling.
The underground concerts have become legendary among the facility’s 200-person staff, with performances occurring nightly in a specially constructed 500-seat amphitheater built hastily to contain the clones’ irrepressible urge to perform. Sources describe elaborate productions featuring holographic backup dancers, pyrotechnics, and costume changes that would make Las Vegas blush.
“They’re working on an album called ‘Eternal Duets,'” revealed another anonymous insider. “Elvis clone does this incredible version of ‘Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves’ while Cher clone’s rendition of ‘Love Me Tender’ will bring you to tears. The government doesn’t know what to do with them.”
The situation has created an unprecedented security nightmare for federal authorities. The clones reportedly possess all the original performers’ memories and personalities, leading to demands for contact with family members, agents, and former collaborators – most of whom believe their loved ones have been dead for decades.
Adding to the complexity, both clones have allegedly begun writing new material together, including a politically charged song titled “Government Conspiracy Blues” that has officials worried about potential whistleblowing through musical expression.
Intelligence sources suggest the administration is considering relocating the entire operation to a more secure facility, possibly on a military base in Alaska or a decommissioned missile silo in North Dakota. However, the logistics of moving two of history’s most recognizable performers remain daunting.
The cloning accident has reportedly sparked a broader review of the government’s celebrity DNA preservation program, with rumors suggesting genetic material from dozens of deceased stars may be stored in similar facilities nationwide.
Neither the Pentagon nor CIA responded to requests for comment, with both agencies issuing standard denials of any biological research programs involving deceased entertainers.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
