Now working with Elon
HAWTHORNE, CA – NASA whistleblowers and SpaceX insiders are reeling from shocking revelations that the legendary cryptid known as Bigfoot has been secretly living on Mars for over three years, having fled Earth due to what he describes as “unbearable stress levels” caused by constant human encroachment into his natural habitat.
The bombshell disclosure came to light when a former SpaceX engineer, speaking on condition of anonymity, leaked classified footage showing a towering, fur-covered humanoid creature working alongside robotic systems at what appears to be a Martian research facility. The footage, timestamp-verified by independent experts, shows the creature performing complex technical tasks with remarkable dexterity despite his massive hands.
According to leaked internal SpaceX communications obtained by this reporter, the entity—who goes by “Sasquatch Prime” in official company documents—initially made contact with Elon Musk’s team through an encrypted quantum communication channel that baffled Earth’s top scientists. The first message, translated from an unknown dialect, reportedly read: “Your red planet project interests me. Earth has become insufferable.”
Dr. Patricia Clearwater, a xenolinguistics expert at the Institute for Extraterrestrial Communication, analyzed fragments of the intercepted communications. “What we’re seeing here defies everything we thought we knew about interplanetary travel and consciousness,” Clearwater revealed in an exclusive interview. “This being somehow achieved Mars transit years before our official missions, suggesting technology far beyond our current capabilities.”
The leaked documents reveal that Sasquatch Prime has been instrumental in solving critical engineering challenges plaguing Mars colonization efforts. His natural adaptation to extreme environments and apparent immunity to radiation have made him an invaluable asset to the terraforming project. Sources indicate he’s been particularly helpful with atmospheric processing and sustainable habitat construction.
But perhaps most shocking of all is Sasquatch Prime’s reasoning for leaving Earth. In a series of translated interviews, he expresses profound disappointment with humanity’s environmental destruction and what he terms “the relentless noise of civilization.” The creature apparently grew tired of decades spent hiding in increasingly shrinking wilderness areas while dodging hunting parties, documentary crews, and social media influencers seeking viral content.
“The constant fear, the shrinking forests, the pollution—it became too much,” reads one translated communication log. “When the opportunity arose to contribute to something meaningful on a peaceful planet, I couldn’t refuse.”
Jake Morrison, a former SpaceX technician who claims to have worked directly with the Martian Bigfoot, provided stunning details about their collaboration. “He’s incredibly intelligent and surprisingly gentle,” Morrison disclosed during a clandestine meeting at a remote Nevada diner. “His understanding of sustainable living and environmental balance is centuries ahead of ours. Plus, he can lift equipment that would require a whole crew of humans.”
The arrangement appears mutually beneficial. While Sasquatch Prime provides invaluable expertise and physical capabilities, SpaceX has reportedly given him complete freedom to establish a private sanctuary in Mars’s northern polar regions, far from any planned human settlements.
Intelligence sources suggest this partnership explains several mysterious advances in SpaceX’s recent Mars mission capabilities. The company’s sudden breakthroughs in life support systems and radiation shielding now make perfect sense when viewed through the lens of alien consultation.
Government agencies remain officially silent on these revelations, but off-the-record sources at both NASA and the Department of Defense confirm they’ve been tracking “anomalous biological signatures” on Mars for over two years. Some insiders whisper about a broader cover-up involving multiple cryptid species seeking refuge on other planets.
As Earth’s environmental crisis deepens and space exploration accelerates, could Mars become a haven for other displaced Earth creatures? If these leaked documents prove authentic, humanity might need to reconsider who the real pioneers of interplanetary colonization actually are.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
