“It’s to die for,” say undead models
GRAVESTOWN, NV – In a shocking turn of events that has left the beauty industry reeling, a former cemetery worker turned undead entrepreneur has launched a groundbreaking skincare line specifically designed for the zombie population.
Greta Grimly, a 28-year-old former gravedigger, stumbled upon an ancient Egyptian embalming recipe while exploring a newly unearthed tomb. Little did she know that this discovery would soon transform her into the poster child for the undead revolution sweeping the nation.
“I was just looking for a little extra moisture, you know?” Grimly recounted, her voice a raspy whisper. “The next thing I knew, my skin was glowing, and I had a newfound zest for…well, let’s just say I developed a taste for the finer things in life.”
Grimly’s sudden transformation from a mild-mannered cemetery worker to a ravishing, if slightly decomposed, beauty icon has sent shockwaves through the cosmetics industry. Her new line, aptly named “Crypt Couture,” promises to cater to the unique skincare needs of the undead demographic.
“Traditional skincare products just weren’t cutting it for me anymore,” Grimly explained, her piercing gaze fixed on a nearby pedestrian. “I needed something that could truly nourish my decaying flesh and keep me looking my ghoulish best.”
Crypt Couture’s flagship product, a moisturizing mummy wrap infused with essence of embalming fluid and crushed scarab beetles, has already garnered a cult following among the undead community.
“It’s to die for,” raved Zelda Zombinsky, a former supermodel turned reanimated corpse. “I haven’t felt this radiant since I was alive!”
But not everyone is thrilled with Grimly’s revolutionary venture. Dr. Reginald Graves, a renowned mortician and vocal critic of the undead, has raised concerns about the potential health risks associated with using embalming fluids as a beauty treatment.
“This is a dangerous precedent,” Graves warned in a scathing op-ed. “If we start catering to the undead, where will it end? Next thing you know, they’ll be demanding voting rights and equal representation in government.”
Despite the backlash, Grimly remains undeterred, her sights set on expanding her empire and bringing her “deathly radiant” products to the masses.
“This is just the beginning,” she hissed, her decaying lips curling into a sinister grin. “Soon, everyone will want a piece of the Crypt Couture lifestyle.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
