No comment from Mars
PALM BEACH, FL – In a shocking revelation that has left government officials scrambling and astronomers reaching for their telescopes, former President Donald Trump disclosed during an exclusive interview at Mar-a-Lago that he has been conducting secret negotiations with extraterrestrial beings since 2019, claiming that his golf handicap played a crucial role in establishing diplomatic relations with alien civilizations.
The bombshell admission came during what was supposed to be a routine discussion about his presidential campaign, when Trump suddenly veered into previously uncharted territory. “People don’t know this, but I’ve been meeting with them regularly,” Trump stated, gesturing toward the sky. “Beautiful beings, really tremendous aliens. They came to me because they heard about my golf game. Apparently, they’ve been monitoring Earth’s golf courses for decades, and my scores really impressed them.”
According to Trump, the initial contact occurred at his Doral golf resort during a late-night practice session. “I was working on my putting—which is fantastic, by the way—when this incredible light appeared over the 18th hole. Out came these beings, very sophisticated, very respectful. The first thing they said was, ‘Mr. President, we’ve been watching your golf game. Very impressive. We want to negotiate.'”
The former president claims that these otherworldly diplomats, whom he describes as “about seven feet tall with beautiful silver skin,” have established a secret base beneath one of his golf courses. “They chose my property because they know quality when they see it,” Trump explained. “These aliens, they’re very smart. They understand that you negotiate from a position of strength, and nothing shows strength like a great golf score.”
Retired CIA operative Marcus Whitfield, who claims to have witnessed one of these alleged meetings while providing security detail, corroborates Trump’s account. “I saw them with my own eyes,” Whitfield stated in a hushed phone interview. “Three beings, definitely not human, standing on the fairway at 2 AM discussing what appeared to be trade agreements. Mr. Trump was showing them his driver technique between conversations about interplanetary commerce.”
The negotiations, according to Trump, have covered everything from advanced technology transfers to establishing Earth as a waystation for intergalactic travel. “They offered me incredible deals,” he revealed. “Technology that would make our military the strongest in the universe, energy sources that would make America completely independent, even golf equipment that would improve everyone’s game. But I drove a hard bargain. I always do.”
Dr. Elena Vasquez, a xenobiologist at the Institute for Extraterrestrial Studies, finds the claims intriguing despite their extraordinary nature. “While the scientific community remains skeptical, we cannot dismiss the possibility that first contact might occur through unconventional channels,” she noted. “If these beings have been observing human behavior, they might indeed approach someone they perceive as a leader through activities they’ve determined are important to our species.”
Trump insists that his golf scores were specifically mentioned by the alien delegation as evidence of his leadership capabilities. “They told me, ‘Mr. President, anyone who can consistently shoot under par demonstrates the precision and mental fortitude required for interstellar diplomacy.’ They get it. They understand excellence.”
The former president declined to provide specific details about the technology allegedly offered, citing “national security and golf course security,” but hinted at revolutionary advances in both space travel and sporting equipment. “Let’s just say that if these deals go through, America will be winning on Earth and beyond. And our golf courses will be out of this world—literally.”
When pressed about verification of these claims, Trump pointed to the night sky and shrugged. “Ask Mars. They’ll tell you. Well, maybe they won’t. They’re very professional, very discreet. That’s why they chose me.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
