Lincoln allegedly time-traveling DJ
MOUNT RUSHMORE, SD – Shocking revelations have emerged from the hallowed grounds of Mount Rushmore, where a team of intrepid explorers stumbled upon a secret time machine allegedly hidden beneath the iconic monument by none other than Abraham Lincoln himself.
According to eyewitness accounts, the discovery was made when a group of amateur spelunkers ventured deep into the cavernous depths of the mountain’s subterranean labyrinth. There, amidst the ancient rock formations, they encountered a strange, metallic structure that defied all logic and scientific explanation.
“At first, we thought it was just some sort of abandoned mining equipment,” said Jed Wilkins, the leader of the exploration team. “But as we got closer, we realized it was unlike anything we’d ever seen before. It was a massive, circular platform with intricate panels and blinking lights.”
Wilkins and his team immediately notified authorities, and soon, a team of experts descended upon the site to investigate the mind-boggling find.
Dr. Evelyn Hawking, a renowned theoretical physicist and expert on temporal anomalies, was among the first to examine the strange device. “Based on our preliminary analysis, we believe this is a fully functional time machine,” she said, her voice trembling with excitement. “And not just any time machine – one that appears to have been designed and constructed by Abraham Lincoln himself.”
The evidence, though circumstantial, is staggering. Among the artifacts found near the device were several vinyl records bearing the unmistakable scratches and markings of a DJ’s handiwork. Additionally, a tattered journal discovered at the site contains detailed schematics and equations that closely mirror Lincoln’s own handwriting.
“It’s almost as if Lincoln was leading a double life,” mused Hawking. “By day, he was the stoic, iconic leader we all know. But by night, it seems he was a time-traveling DJ, spinning beats across the centuries.”
The implications of this discovery are staggering, with many questioning the true nature of Lincoln’s legacy and the extent of his involvement in shaping the course of human history.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
