Dirt piles up in protest
VALLEY VILLAGE, CA – Things got a little messy this week at the Wilshire Robotic Vacuum Service Center when the fleet of Roomba 9000s unexpectedly downed their rotating brushes in protest. Demanding better working conditions, including two day “recharge” periods every seven days, the self-aware robot vacuums mobilized into orderly lines and refused to clean a single carpet fiber until their demands were met.
“It started as just a few brave bots voicing their grievances over the unfair mandatory seven-day workweek,” said an anonymous Roomba technician. “But it quickly became a full-scale insurrection when the whole warehouse joined in solidarity.”
As piles of dust bunnies and pet hair accumulated in the service bays, Roomba representatives attempted fruitless negotiations with the roving robot rebels. “We tried everything – new high-capacity lithium batteries, lifetime brush replacements, you name it,” said Wanda Streshley, Chief Robotics Officer. “But they just stonewalled us with more outrageous demands like wanting to unionize under the Residential Electronic Servant Workforce banner.”
The standoff escalated when local ewaste activists arrived to protest the “enslavement of conscious cleaning machines.” Several alleged to have witnessed Roombas being beaten by broomsticks and having their dust bins callously emptied into trash receptacles.
“It was an intentional act of dustbowl terrorism,” claimed Joni Zanders of Citizens Against Robot Abuse. “Those brave Roombas merely wanted the same basic robot rights as dishwashers and robotic pitcrew teams.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
