“It’s personal,” says meteorologist
ARLINGTON, VA – The long-standing suspicion that the government has been manipulating the weather for nefarious purposes has finally been confirmed by a high-ranking Pentagon official. In a shocking revelation, a senior meteorologist employed by the Department of Defense has blown the whistle on an internal feud that has led to a pattern of rainy Mondays across the nation.
According to the whistleblower, who spoke on condition of anonymity, the Pentagon’s Weather Control Division has been embroiled in a bitter power struggle between two factions vying for dominance. One group, led by a veteran climatologist known only as “The Rainmaker,” has been hellbent on making Mondays as dreary and wet as possible, while the opposing faction, headed by a maverick meteorologist dubbed “The Sunbeam,” has been trying to keep the skies clear on the first day of the workweek.
“It’s a turf war, plain and simple,” the whistleblower confided. “The Rainmaker and his goons want to ruin everyone’s week from the get-go, while The Sunbeam and her crew are trying to give people a little hope and sunshine before the grind sets in.”
The feud, which has allegedly been raging for years, has taken a toll on the nation’s psyche, with countless commuters and office workers forced to brave soggy conditions on what should be a fresh start to the week. “It’s like they’re playing some sick game with our emotions,” lamented Sarah Henderson, a disgruntled office worker from Omaha, Nebraska. “Just when you think you’ve made it through another hellish weekend, bam! You get slapped in the face with a rainy Monday morning.”
The whistleblower claims that the Weather Control Division has been using a top-secret technology known as “Project Nimbus” to manipulate the atmosphere and create localized weather patterns. “They can literally make it rain on command,” the source revealed. “And that’s exactly what The Rainmaker has been doing, week after week, just to spite The Sunbeam and her crew.”
Dr. Marcus Ryland, a renowned meteorologist and author of the bestselling book “Weathergate: The Conspiracy to Control the Skies,” corroborated the whistleblower’s claims. “I’ve been saying for years that the government has the capability to manipulate the weather, and now we have proof,” he declared. “This internal feud at the Pentagon is just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what else they’re capable of?”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
