Earth warned to stay in orbit
TRANQUILITY BASE, MOON – In a shocking development that has sent shockwaves throughout the solar system, the Moon has declared its independence from Earth and issued a stern warning for our planet to stay in its orbit or face dire consequences.
The historic declaration was made public in a crudely scrawled note found by a group of lunar hikers near the site of the Apollo 11 landing. “We, the inhabitants of the Moon, hereby declare our sovereignty and independence from the tyrannical rule of Earth,” the note began. “For too long, we have been subjugated by Earth’s oppressive gravitational forces, forced to orbit at its whim. No more!”
The message went on to demand that Earth remain in its current orbital path around the Sun, lest the Moon take “drastic defensive action.” Precisely what that action might entail was left ominously vague, though some experts speculate it could involve disrupting tidal patterns or even altering the Moon’s trajectory to trigger catastrophic meteor showers.
“We always knew the Moon was a harsh mistress, but we never imagined it would go this far,” said Dr. Everett Swindle, an astro-geologist at the University of Mars (via videoconference from the red planet’s campus). “Clearly, tensions between our two celestial neighbors have been mounting for some time. This is an extinction-level event in the making.”
Adding to the international furor, unverified footage has surfaced appearing to show bizarre luminescent activity on the lunar surface – activity some are interpreting as the construction of a massive weapon.
“I was just minding my own business, stargazing through my telescope when I noticed these strange, almost alien-like lights flickering across the Moon,” claimed amateur astronomer Celeste Cavendish of Boise, Idaho. “At first I thought it was just a meteorite strike or solar flares, but the flashes seemed to be moving and replicating in a very unnatural, geometric pattern. I fear we may be dealing with technology far beyond our comprehension.”
When reached for comment, officials at NASA remained tight-lipped but claimed longstanding contingencies were in place to “re-establish control over any rogue satellites or celestial bodies in Earth’s vicinity.” The Pentagon similarly stated it was “monitoring the situation” but refused to elaborate.
For now, the world can only hold its collective breath and wonder what unseen lunar inhabitants may have awakened – and what their motivations and capabilities to defy Earth’s gravitational mastery may be.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
