They replied: “Turn off the Wi-Fi!”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking turn of events, members of Congress held a secret séance in the Capitol building in an attempt to seek guidance from the Founding Fathers. According to eyewitness accounts, the room was filled with eerie chanting and flickering candlelight as the lawmakers tried to make contact with the spirits of America’s founding patriots.
“It was like something out of a horror movie,” said Janice Wilkins, a custodian who stumbled upon the séance by accident. “There were Senators and Representatives sitting in a circle, holding hands and chanting in some strange language. The air was thick with the smell of incense, and the whole room felt charged with an otherworldly energy.”
The séance was reportedly organized by a group of lawmakers who felt that the country had strayed too far from the principles laid out by the Founding Fathers. They believed that by reaching out to the spirits of these revered figures, they could gain insight and guidance on how to steer the nation back on course.
“We live in troubled times,” said Representative Hank Miller, one of the organizers of the séance. “Our government is gridlocked, our people are divided, and we’ve lost sight of the ideals that this nation was built upon. We thought that by consulting the Founding Fathers themselves, we might be able to find a way forward.”
According to those present, the séance initially seemed to be a failure, with no signs of otherworldly contact. However, just as they were about to give up, the room was suddenly plunged into darkness, and a disembodied voice echoed through the chamber.
“Turn off the Wi-Fi!” the voice boomed, sending shivers down the spines of the lawmakers.
“At first, we thought it was just a prank,” said Dr. Amelia Carson, a paranormal expert who was brought in to observe the séance. “But then the voice continued, warning us about the dangers of modern technology and urging us to return to a simpler way of life.”
The séance lasted for several hours, with the lawmakers feverishly taking notes as the disembodied voice dispensed advice and wisdom from beyond the grave. While the exact details of what was said remain shrouded in secrecy, sources claim that the Founding Fathers’ spirits expressed deep concern over the state of the nation and offered guidance on how to restore the values and principles upon which America was founded.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
