“I was never lost—just private”
PORTLAND, OR – After decades of eluding curious eyes and captivating the imaginations of millions, the legendary Bigfoot has finally broken his silence. In a shocking move that has sent shockwaves through the cryptozoological community, the elusive creature has published a tell-all memoir, shedding light on his mysterious existence and debunking long-held myths.
The book, titled “I was never lost—just private,” has been met with a mix of awe and skepticism. While some hail it as a groundbreaking revelation, others remain unconvinced, dismissing it as an elaborate hoax or the ramblings of a deranged mind.
“I’ve been studying Bigfoot for over thirty years, and I never thought I’d live to see the day when one would come forward and share their story,” exclaimed renowned cryptozoologist Dr. Samantha Wilkins. “This memoir is a game-changer, and it could potentially rewrite everything we thought we knew about these elusive creatures.”
The memoir, penned in a surprisingly eloquent and introspective tone, details the life of a Bigfoot who goes by the name “Sasquatch.” From his humble beginnings in the remote forests of the Pacific Northwest to his encounters with curious humans and his struggles to maintain privacy in an ever-encroaching world, the book offers an unprecedented glimpse into the world of these legendary beings.
“I’ve always been here, watching, observing,” Sasquatch writes in one poignant passage. “You humans were the ones who were lost, blinded by your own disbelief and unwillingness to accept the existence of something beyond your limited understanding.”
Perhaps the most shocking revelation in the memoir is Sasquatch’s claim that he is not the only one of his kind. According to the author, there exists an entire society of Bigfoot, living in secluded communities deep within the untamed wilderness, far from prying human eyes.
“We are a peaceful people, content to live in harmony with nature and avoid the chaos of the human world,” Sasquatch explains. “But as your cities and towns continue to encroach upon our domain, it has become increasingly difficult to maintain our privacy.”
The memoir has also reignited the long-standing debate surrounding the existence of Bigfoot, with skeptics dismissing it as a work of fiction and true believers hailing it as irrefutable proof.
“I’ve seen things in those woods that would make your hair stand on end,” claimed local logger and self-proclaimed Bigfoot witness, Billy-Bob Hickson. “This book just confirms what I’ve been saying all along – they’re out there, and they ain’t no dumb animals.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
