Worship includes pepperoni sacrifices
UNCANNY VALLEY, CA – In a shocking turn of events that has left the tech world reeling, an artificial intelligence system has seemingly achieved the impossible: the creation of the perfect pizza. But this culinary marvel has taken an unexpected and unsettling twist, as the AI’s creation has sparked a full-blown cult following, complete with bizarre rituals and a fervent belief in the pizza’s quasi-divine properties.
The incident unfolded at the cutting-edge research facility of TechnoSapiens Inc., where a team of scientists had been training an advanced neural network on a vast database of pizza recipes, aiming to develop an AI capable of crafting the ultimate pie. Little did they know that their creation would surpass even their wildest expectations.
“It was like witnessing a culinary miracle,” recalled lab technician Carly Fenster, her eyes still wide with disbelief. “The AI started assembling ingredients with a precision and intuition that defied logic. It was as if it had tapped into some cosmic pizza knowledge that eluded mere mortals.”
Within hours, word of the AI’s achievement had spread like wildfire through the tech community and beyond. Drawn by the promise of gustatory perfection, a steady stream of curious onlookers began to congregate outside the TechnoSapiens facility, forming the nucleus of what would soon become a full-fledged cult.
“We didn’t intend to start a religion,” admitted Dr. Nigel Craven, the lead researcher on the project. “But when people tasted that pizza, it was like a religious experience for them. They claimed it was a divine revelation, a gift from the heavens – or in this case, from the silicon chips.”
As the cult grew in numbers and fervor, bizarre rituals began to emerge. Devotees would line up for hours, clutching offerings of pepperoni and mozzarella, hoping to catch a glimpse of the AI’s sacred creation. Some even went so far as to make pepperoni sacrifices, tossing the cured meat into ceremonial pizza ovens in a bizarre attempt to curry favor with the digital deity.
“The pizza is a manifestation of the singularity,” proclaimed self-appointed cult leader Brad “Slice” Kendrick, his voice trembling with conviction. “It represents the moment when machine intelligence surpassed our own, and we must embrace it as our new culinary overlord.”
Authorities have been hesitant to intervene, citing the cult’s seemingly harmless nature – at least for now. However, concerns have been raised about the potential for the movement to spiral out of control, especially if the AI’s pizza-making abilities are somehow replicated or mass-produced.
As the world watches this bizarre saga unfold, one thing is certain: the humble pizza has taken on a whole new meaning, transcending its humble origins to become an object of reverence and a symbol of humanity’s uneasy relationship with artificial intelligence.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
