“He ghosted me,” she says
SPECTREVILLE, PA –
Paranormal activities took an unprecedented turn this week as a local woman, Sylvia Manders, 28, claimed to have married the ghost of her late fiancé over Zoom. However, the otherworldly ceremony was cut short when the apparition seemingly vanished mid-vows.
According to eyewitnesses, the bizarre wedding was officiated by a self-proclaimed “Ghost Whisperer,” Dr. Algernon Crypt, who has been conducting online supernatural marriages for a modest fee. Crypt, a self-proclaimed expert in the field of “spectral bonding,” has garnered a cult following among those seeking to tie the knot with their dearly departed loved ones.
“It was like any other wedding, except one of the participants was a translucent, ethereal being,” said Crypt, adjusting his thick, round spectacles. “We were about halfway through the vows when the groom’s apparition started flickering, and then – poof! He was gone.”
Manders, visibly distraught, recounted the heartbreaking moment. “One minute, he was there, a shimmering, bluish haze in front of me, and the next, he just vanished into thin air. He ghosted me, literally!”
Conspiracy theorists are abuzz with speculation about the true nature of this otherworldly incident. Some claim it was a hoax orchestrated by Crypt to further his reputation and line his pockets with “ghost money.” Others believe it was a government cover-up, with agents disrupting the ceremony to prevent the formation of a legally-recognized human-specter union.
“The authorities are clearly afraid of the implications of such a union,” said renowned paranormal investigator, Trixie LaRue. “A human-ghost marriage could open the door to visitation rights, joint spectral accounts, and even ghost-human offspring. It’s a Pandora’s box they’re not ready to open.”
Undeterred by the abrupt ending, Manders remains steadfast in her love for her ghostly groom. “Our bond transcends the physical realm,” she declared. “We’ll find a way to be together, even if I have to join him on the other side.”
As the investigation continues, one thing is clear: the veil between the living and the dead has never been thinner, and the realm of the paranormal is rife with mysteries yet unexplored.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
