Hairless but healthy
RALEIGH, NC – It was a full moon like any other, or so thought local resident John Miller. Little did he know that the celestial event would trigger a bizarre transformation, one that he blames squarely on his newfound love for oat milk.
Miller, a self-proclaimed “werewolf enthusiast,” had recently adopted a vegan lifestyle in an effort to reduce his carbon footprint. Little did he know that his dietary choices would have such drastic consequences.
“It started with the cravings,” Miller recounted, his voice trembling with the memory. “I couldn’t get enough oat milk. I was going through gallons of the stuff every day.”
At first, Miller dismissed the changes as mere side effects of his new diet. But as the full moon approached, the signs became impossible to ignore.
“My body hair started to fall out in clumps,” he said, running his hand over his now-smooth skin. “And my nails grew to these sharp, jagged points.”
Miller’s transformation didn’t stop there. As the moon reached its zenith, he found himself overcome by an insatiable hunger and a primal urge to howl at the night sky.
“I’ve always been fascinated by werewolves, but I never imagined I’d become one myself,” he said, his eyes wild with disbelief.
Eyewitnesses corroborate Miller’s account, describing a terrifying scene as he prowled the streets in search of sustenance.
“It was like something out of a horror movie,” said local resident Sarah Thompson. “This hairless creature was running around on all fours, gnawing on bushes and trees.”
While Miller’s transformation was undoubtedly bizarre, some experts suggest that his dietary choices may have played a role.
“Oat milk is a known source of avenanthramides, compounds that have been linked to hair loss in some individuals,” explained Dr. Michael Kwan, a nutritionist at the prestigious Miskatonic University. “However, the connection to lycanthropy is certainly… unorthodox.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
