“I miss rocks,” he says
SILICON VALLEY, CA – In a shocking revelation that has the tech world buzzing, billionaire CEO Zog Gruntak of CaveCloud admitted to being a time-traveling caveman from the Paleolithic era. The eccentric tech mogul, known for his penchant for animal skins and his aversion to modern clothing, claims he was transported to the present day after a freak lightning strike during a hunting expedition.
“One minute I was chasing a woolly mammoth, the next I was surrounded by these strange metal beasts and hairless ape-creatures,” Gruntak recounted in a rambling press conference held in his lavish cave dwelling. “I thought I had stumbled upon the mythical ‘Valley of the Demons’ our tribal elders warned us about.”
Gruntak’s outlandish claims have sent shockwaves through the scientific community, with experts both baffled and intrigued by his story. Dr. Gertrude Stonehammer, a renowned anthropologist from the University of Bedrock, was among the first to study the self-proclaimed “caveman CEO.”
“At first, we were highly skeptical,” Stonehammer admitted. “But the more we examined Mr. Gruntak, the more his story seemed to hold water. His DNA is an exact match for Homo sapiens from the late Paleolithic period, and his knowledge of primitive tools and hunting techniques is unparalleled.”
Despite his newfound wealth and success in the tech industry, Gruntak claims he still yearns for the simpler life of his ancestors. “I miss rocks,” he lamented, clutching a well-worn stone tool. “Back in my day, if you wanted to smash something, you just picked up a rock and smashed it. None of this complicated ‘app’ nonsense.”
Eyewitnesses report seeing Gruntak wandering the streets of Silicon Valley, clad in a loincloth and carrying a crude spear, attempting to hunt passing vehicles he mistook for woolly mammoths. “He kept yelling something about ‘bringing down a big hairy one for the tribe,'” recalled a shaken Uber driver who narrowly avoided becoming Gruntak’s prey.
As for the future, Gruntak remains tight-lipped about his plans, though he has hinted at a new venture he calls “CaveBook” – a social network for sharing cave paintings and mammoth tracking tips. Regardless of what lies ahead, one thing is certain: the tech world will never look at this caveman CEO the same way again.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
