“They love discarded vapes,” says city worker
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a shocking revelation that has left residents reeling, a crew of city workers has stumbled upon a colony of real-life mermaids thriving in the depths of Los Angeles’ sewer system. These aquatic creatures, long thought to be the stuff of legend, have allegedly taken up residence amidst the city’s underground network of tunnels and pipelines, feasting on discarded vape pens and other unsavory refuse.
According to eyewitness accounts, the discovery was made during a routine maintenance inspection of a sewer line near the intersection of Wilshire Boulevard and Western Avenue. Sanitation worker Jose Ramirez, who was among the first to encounter the mermaids, recounts the eerie encounter.
“We were knee-deep in sludge when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye,” Ramirez stated, his voice trembling with residual fear. “At first, I thought it was just a rat or something, but then I saw the tail – a long, scaly tail like something out of a fairytale. That’s when I knew we were dealing with something otherworldly.”
As Ramirez and his crew shone their flashlights deeper into the tunnel, they were met with an otherworldly sight: a group of five or six humanoid figures with the upper bodies of women and the lower bodies of fish, lounging amidst piles of discarded vape pens and other debris.
“They were just lying there, puffing away on these vape things like it was no big deal,” Ramirez recalled. “I couldn’t believe my eyes.”
While the existence of mermaids has long been the subject of speculation and myth, Dr. Samantha Marin, a marine biologist at the University of Southern California, offers a scientific perspective on the shocking discovery.
“While the idea of mermaids may seem far-fetched, we must remember that the ocean is a vast and largely unexplored realm,” Dr. Marin stated. “It’s entirely possible that these creatures have evolved to adapt to the unique environment of the sewer system, which mimics their natural habitat in many ways.”
Dr. Marin also offered a plausible explanation for the mermaids’ apparent fondness for discarded vape pens. “Many vape liquids contain nicotine, which is known to have mind-altering effects on certain marine species,” she explained. “It’s possible that these mermaids have developed a dependency on the substance, which could explain their presence in such an unlikely location.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
