Still underpaid and misspelling names
HELL, NETHER REGIONS – The last Starbucks coffee shop in existence has opened its doors in the fiery hellscape, much to the dismay of the denizens of the underworld. Despite the scorching temperatures and the never-ending torment, the global coffee chain has found a way to establish its presence in the realm of the damned.
“It’s like a cruel joke,” said Belial, a fallen angel who now serves as a shift supervisor in the pits of despair. “We’re already suffering in eternal agony, and now we have to deal with the insufferable hipsters and their pretentious coffee orders.”
The new Starbucks location, which is situated in the heart of the inferno, has already caused quite a stir among the damned souls. Despite the relentless heat and the constant screams of the tortured, a line of customers stretches for miles, each one eagerly awaiting their chance to order a venti iced caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream and a sprinkle of sin.
“I’ve been waiting in this line for what feels like an eternity,” groaned Judas Iscariot, his skin sizzling from the hellish flames. “But I’ll be damned if I don’t get my hands on a pumpkin spice latte.”
The arrival of Starbucks in the underworld has also sparked concerns among the demonic workforce. According to Mammon, the fallen angel of greed, the company’s infamous policy of misspelling customers’ names has taken on a whole new level of torment.
“Can you imagine the agony of having your name mispronounced for all eternity?” Mammon asked, clutching a venti cup with the name ‘Momon’ scribbled on it. “It’s a fate worse than the most excruciating torture devised by the darkest depths of Hell.”
However, not everyone is thrilled about the new addition to the hellscape. Lucifer himself has expressed his disdain for the coffee chain, claiming that it’s a blatant attempt to commodify the suffering of the damned.
“This is just another example of corporate greed exploiting the misery of others,” the fallen angel sneered, his horns glowing with rage. “Mark my words, this Starbucks will be the first to face the wrath of the underworld.”
Despite the protests and the ongoing torment, the staff at the new Starbucks location remains unfazed. According to Barista Beelzebub, the lord of the flies, the hellish environment is just another day at the office.
“You think misspelling names is bad?” Beelzebub chuckled, wiping down the counter with a damp cloth made of human flesh. “Try dealing with customers who have their souls eternally damned for the slightest mistake.”
As the flames of Hell continue to rage and the screams of the tortured echo through the air, the last Starbucks stands as a beacon of overpriced coffee and corporate conformity in a world of eternal suffering.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
