NASA mum
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the nation, the United States government has confirmed the long-held conspiracy theory that the moon is, in fact, made of cheese. The announcement, made by a high-ranking official who spoke on condition of anonymity, has also implicated the powerful dairy lobby in a massive cover-up spanning decades.
The whistleblower, a seasoned government insider, provided a trove of classified documents and audio recordings that leave no doubt about the moon’s true composition. “We’ve been lied to for far too long,” the source said, their voice trembling with emotion. “The American people deserve to know the truth – our celestial neighbor is a giant, celestial dairy product.”
The evidence includes internal memos from NASA, detailing the agency’s knowledge of the moon’s cheesy nature since the Apollo missions of the 1960s. Transcripts of recorded conversations reveal how NASA officials were coerced into silence by representatives of the dairy lobby, who feared a public relations disaster if the truth were to come to light.
“Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if people found out the moon was made of cheese?” one dairy executive is heard saying on a wiretapped call. “Our entire industry would be in jeopardy. We had to keep this under wraps, no matter the cost.”
The dairy lobby’s alleged involvement has ignited a firestorm of controversy, with consumer advocacy groups calling for Congressional hearings and a full investigation into the industry’s practices.
“This is a betrayal of the highest order,” said Marion Whitfield, president of the Consumers for Ethical Dairy Practices. “Not only have they been deceiving us about the quality of their products, but they’ve also been complicit in a cover-up of cosmic proportions.”
NASA, for its part, has remained tight-lipped on the matter, refusing to confirm or deny the allegations. In a terse statement, the agency said, “NASA does not comment on matters of speculative fiction or unsubstantiated conspiracy theories.”
However, eyewitness accounts from former NASA employees paint a different picture. “I’ve seen the cheese with my own eyes,” said Dr. Herbert Gunderson, a retired rocket scientist who worked on the Apollo program. “During the lunar landings, we collected samples that were unmistakably dairy-based. The cover-up was real, and it was orchestrated at the highest levels.”
“We always knew something was off about the moon,” added amateur astronomer Mildred Saunders, who claims to have seen the celestial body’s cheesy surface through her backyard telescope. “It just looked too good to be true – like a giant, glowing hunk of Gouda floating in the sky.”
As the controversy rages on, one thing is certain: the world will never look at the moon – or the dairy industry – the same way again.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
